Collide
by kbrewster
Summary: AU: set after the s7 finale, Hotch and Emily are married. Together, they raise Declan, Jack, and their young daughter. When Hotch is involved in a life changing accident, will their family be able to pick up the pieces again? COMPLETE.
1. Chapter 1

**It's been ages since I've posted anything, and I'm sorry! But I didn't want to start something and lose interest again. I've gotten a bunch of this story written already and definitely plan to finish it! : )**

Emily groaned at the sound of her alarm clock going off, lazily reaching over to silence the noise. She rolled over and opened her eyes when she felt the empty space next to her. She frowned- Hotch never left without telling her where he'd gone. She sat up in bed, stretching and letting out a yawn. It was then she noticed the note on his pillow. She picked up the piece of paper, reading her name scrawled messily across the folded page. She sighed and opened it, though she was sure she already knew what the note said.

"_Em, we caught a case in Chicago. I didn't want to wake you. I know you were up late with Layla last night. I made the boys' lunches and put them in the fridge before I left. I'll call you later, I promise. I love you more than words, Aaron."_

Emily sighed and folded the note back up, setting it on her dresser. She had left the BAU almost three years ago, right after JJ and Will were married. She didn't want to be at the BAU anymore. She considered Clyde's offer to return back to Interpol, but that would mean she'd have to move halfway across the world. She didn't want to leave the team; she'd just gotten them back. And Declan, she couldn't leave him all alone. Not after what he'd been through and not after she fought so hard to keep him safe. So she'd taken a desk job as a Linguist, translating things for various different cases, among other things. She liked the normalcy, and she liked being able to drop Declan off at school in the mornings and being able to be home by dinner every night. She liked being guaranteed weekends.

During the first year Emily left the team, she remained in contact with all of them, but Hotch the most. Beth had broken up with Hotch about 6 months after the LaMontagne/Jareau wedding. She got a job offer and she couldn't say no. He couldn't hold her back, so just like that; the once happy couple was no more. The night it all happened, Hotch had called Emily more upset than Emily had seen him since Haley's death. They talked on the phone for a while before Emily had suggested he come over. Declan was conveniently at a friend's house for the night, and Jack was spending the weekend with Jessica.

That was the night their friendship took a turn. They'd gone out several times before Emily had left for Paris, but the both of them were just too stubborn to see what they had in front of them. Emily had always been wary of letting people in; of getting too close to anyone in particular. Every time things felt like they were moving into something serious, she ended it. However, the night that Aaron Hotchner showed up at Emily's doorstep clad in sweatpants and an old t-shirt with a bottle of wine in hand, Emily realized she wasn't afraid any more. The man standing in front of her knew her darkest secrets, and still he stuck around. So that night, they finally gave into their feelings. Ever since then, they'd been inseparable.

Hotch and Jack moved in with Emily and Declan not long after that. They got married soon after. Hotch adopted Declan and Emily adopted Jack. A year later, Layla came along. She was definitely a surprise, and one neither Hotch nor Emily had planned for. Despite their initial shock and fear, and a less than stellar pregnancy for Emily, they now had a two-year-old running around the house, repeating everything anyone in the family said.

Emily rose from the bed, making her way into the nursery just across the hall. The little curly-haired girl was still fast asleep in her crib. Emily smiled, deciding to let Layla sleep awhile longer, since it hadn't been that long ago that Emily had put her back to sleep. She had a half hour before she needed to start getting the boys up, so she meandered down to the kitchen and started a pot of coffee.

She sat down at the bar, wishing there hadn't been a case. Emily knew how important solving these murders was; she'd lived that life not too long ago. But this weekend he'd promised to stay home. Declan's fifteenth birthday was Saturday and he'd promised to be there no matter what. It was Friday morning and Emily highly doubted the case would get solved that quickly. She knew she shouldn't be upset, it's not like serial killers planned around anyone's lives but their own. But this wasn't the first time he'd said he would stay back on a case for something only to break his promise and go. He was supposed to be working less in the field, in preparation for retirement, but it seemed like every time the team left, so did he. If it wasn't an actual BAU case, he was consulting with another team because of his expertise; or he was at conferences, or in late night meetings, or giving lectures to college students.

For a man on the verge of retiring, he certainly was busy.

He'd missed their first anniversary, several of Jack's soccer games and Declan's lacrosse matches. He'd missed Declan's piano recital, in which he was awarded a scholarship, which was a huge deal since the boy was just fourteen at the time. He'd just gotten back from a case when Layla was born, but he missed her first Halloween, and he'd been gone this past Christmas.

She didn't mind him still working with the team, she didn't mind him going away on cases so much. But when he missed something he promised to be there for, and Emily had to tell Jack or Declan he wasn't going to be there, it broke Emily's heart. The boys understood, probably better than children their age should, about why Hotch had to leave, but the disappointment was always evident on their faces.

Hotch's dedication was something Emily admired about him even from her first few days on the team. But now, he had three children and a wife. If he promised to be there, especially when he was no longer required to work every case, then he should be there. Honestly, sometimes Emily felt like a single parent. Her life was stable, but it seemed like Hotch was always on the go. He needed to slow down, but he never listened to Emily.

Emily jumped at the sound of footsteps barreling down the stairs. She blinked several times, and the next thing she knew Jack and Declan were in the kitchen, still wearing their pajamas. Declan had Layla in his arms, who was squirming to get to Emily.

"Hi!" Emily greeted them all with a forced smile, rising from her chair and walking over to the three of them standing in the doorway, planting a kiss on each of their heads before taking Layla from Declan.

"You guys are all up early." Emily noted.

"Layla was crying." Jack, the now-ten-year-old complained. "Where's Dad?" he asked, noting the obvious absence.

Emily bit her lip, distracting herself by putting Layla in her high chair.

"The team caught a case in Chicago." Emily relayed the information warily, knowing Declan would be crushed. He may not show it, but Emily knew the boy well enough to know that much.

"Oh- so he won't be here tomorrow?" Jack asked sadly, hopping up on a chair.

"Not unless they can solve this case super-fast. I'm sorry, guys. I know he said he'd be here." Emily said sadly.

The boys just shrugged. "It's not the first time." Declan said, though his tone wasn't bitter.

"Right…" Emily said- a bit taken aback that they weren't more upset. "Well, I guess you all want some breakfast before school. Pancakes sound okay?" Emily asked, not waiting for a response before she went over to the fridge and got out all the ingredients, giving Layla some dry cereal and juice before starting on the pancakes. She wasn't sure if her anger was rational or not, but she found herself even more angry that Jack and Declan had grown accustomed to not having Hotch around. Emily knew she loved their children, she knew he loved her, but lately he certainly had a terrible way of showing it. Sometimes she found herself praying for a wakeup call, something that would make Hotch realize what he had before all three of the kids were grown up and out of the house. She didn't want him to watch them grow up through pictures and videos, which is how he'd been living lately. As soon as this case ended she'd talk to him, she decided.


	2. Chapter 2

Two days. That's how long Hotch had been gone; and Hotch hadn't called once. He didn't call at all on Friday, and not on Declan's birthday on Saturday, and now it was nearing midnight on Monday morning and Emily hadn't heard a word. She knew how intense cases could get, but she'd never known him to not call at least once. He didn't even send a text to explain he was busy, he didn't acknowledge Declan's birthday in any way.

Emily was lying in bed, rolling her phone in her hands, debating on whether or not she should call him. She rarely ever called him when he was working a case. After ten minutes, she knew she'd never get any sleep if she didn't at least try to call him, so she did and waited for him to pick up, or to get his answering machine.

Much to her surprise, she heard his voice on the other end of the line.

"Hey." he said happily, as if nothing was wrong.

"Um, hi." Emily said.

"I'm on my way home." Hotch said. "We just landed in Quantico and I'm almost in DC."

"You solved the case already?" Emily asked. "That was fast…"

"Yeah, he made a mistake and left some crucial DNA evidence behind on his last victim. Took hardly any time to find him after that." Hotch informed her.

Emily sucked in a breath and bit her lip. "Huh," she huffed. "Too busy to call and let me know? Or, I don't know, wish Declan happy birthday?" she spat.

There was a silence for a few seconds. "That was this weekend?" Hotch asked softly.

"Um, yes. First weekend in May. May 5th, 1999, to be exact. Aaron, you promised you'd be here, and you weren't. Declan was okay with that at first, but when you didn't call… when I had to watch his face fall every time the phone rang and it wasn't you… I just don't understand." Emily choked out.

"I'm sorry, Emily. I forgot it was this weekend. I thought it was next weekend. I'll make it up to him, though. I promise!" Hotch said, trying to remain calm.

"How could you have forgotten? I reminded you so many times. _Stop_ saying the word _promise_, Aaron! You don't mean it, and every time you say it I want to punch you. This isn't the first thing you've promised to be here for, yet you weren't there. When I told the boys you weren't going to be here, they were okay with it, they didn't even get upset. Do you _want _that to be normal for them? Do you want them to be used to never seeing you? And what about Layla? She's already two years old, and you've missed so many things. You're supposed to be retiring, for God's sake and you're _never _around!" Emily yelled, not caring any longer about trying to be calm, not caring that she had three sleeping children in the rooms next to hers, she was just too angry to care. Her hands were shaking, and she was fighting back tears.

"Why are you so angry at me? I know I haven't been around much, but it's just…" he trailed off, and Emily spoke up again before he could continue.

"But what? I can put up with a lot, Aaron Hotchner, but when my children are affected it's different. I know catching those bastards is important. I know it makes you feel like you're doing something right in the world, but there's a line. I never wanted us to argue about this, but you're just- you're different. I don't know what's changed, but I don't like it." Emily said as her voice became softer.

"I think _you _of all people should understand the job, Emily. I loved Haley, I still love Haley, but she didn't understand because she wasn't part of it. Beth didn't really understand. But _you_? You were right there next to me for six and a half years doing the very same thing. It's important, and it gets people off the street that could hurt people, innocent people. I don't even know why I'm explaining this to you-"

Before Emily knew what she'd done, she realized she'd ended the call. She couldn't listen to this anymore. Did he even hear himself when he was speaking? Emily switched the phone on silent and sat it face down on the dresser; she didn't want to talk to him again until he got home, if then. She unmade the bed and flopped down onto the mattress, bringing the blankets up over her head. She tried not to cry, but she felt the warmth of the tears falling faster than she cared to stop them.

Hotch was livid. He was simply trying to explain himself, and Emily had just hung up on her. She'd never done that. Come to think of it, he'd rarely witnessed her that angry at him before. Maybe he should have known better than to try and win an argument against a bitter Emily, but for some reason he couldn't stop himself. She _was _right, after all. He was gone way more than he was at home, and he felt like shit for missing Declan's birthday. How could he have forgotten?

He banged his hands on the steering wheel, knowing he needed to be calm to continue the drive home. He tried to focus on the road ahead, but he couldn't stop thinking about Emily. He couldn't fight the desire to pick up the phone and call her. He reached over to the passenger's seat where his phone way lying and picked it up. He called Emily, once, twice, three times. She never answered. If it hadn't been so late, he would have called the house phone, but he knew all the kids were sleeping and if he called and woke them up, Emily would just be angrier than she already was.

He sighed, pulling up to a red light. He called her phone one more time, this time though; he left her a voice mail, just in case.

"Emily, I'm sorry. You're right. I'm being horrible to you and to the kids. It's not fair. Tomorrow maybe we can take lunch together and talk about everything? Or Declan could watch Jack and Layla while we go talk over dinner? I have reasoning for my behavior lately, and maybe they aren't good reasons at all, but it's not fair of me to keep you in the dark about it. Especially since you trusted me to talk about why you wanted to leave the BAU. I love you, Emily. I'm sorry." He hung up the phone with a sigh, tossing his phone in the floorboard. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, and looked up just in time to see the 18-wheeler in his rearview mirror.

Emily stirred when she heard the phone ringing. She hadn't even realized she'd fallen asleep. She picked it up quickly, hoping it didn't wake anyone else up.

"Hello?" she answered sleepily and confusedly.

"Is this Emily Hotchner?" a male voice that Emily couldn't place asked.

"Uh yeah, yeah. What's this about?" Emily asked as she sat up in bed, putting a hand to her forehead.

"There's been an accident…" the voice continued to speak but Emily felt like she was under water. With those four words, Emily's entire world flipped upside down.

"Mrs. Hotchner?" the man asked, sending Emily back into reality.

"What- what happened?" Emily asked- she felt like she was in a dream. This wasn't supposed to happen, she knew something had happened to Hotch, and her gut told her it wasn't good. "Is my husband dead?" Emily squeaked timidly, afraid of the answer but too afraid of the man sugar coating the story and not just getting it over with.

"No- no, Aaron's alive. He was at a red light, and an 18-wheeler came up behind him. The brakes went out and rear ended him. The air bag didn't deploy. He would have gone right through the windshield if not for his seatbelt, but he has a very bad head injury. There's some serious swelling in his brain, so we're keeping him in a comatose state. Once we see the swelling go down, we'll gradually get him out of the coma." The man explained. Emily closed her eyes and sighed, wiping her eyes before she spoke.

"Can I come see him?" Emily asked.

"Of course." The man confirmed.

"Okay… okay… thank you." Emily said as she hung up the phone. This couldn't be real, could it? She sat on her bed and stared at the cordless phone in her hands. She was dreaming, right? She threw the phone onto the floor, she didn't even remember the last thing she'd said to Hotch, she was just mad and she was ranting. She shook her head and took a deep breath. She had to call someone to stay with the kids while she went to the hospital. She didn't want them to see Hotch until she did, so she could prepare them.

Before she made a move to pick the phone up from the floor, she felt compelled to look at her phone. She reached over and flipped the phone over in her hands, slowly unlocking the screen. Four missed calls, one voice mail. All from Hotch.

With shaky hands, she pressed the voicemail notification and brought the phone to her ear. Within seconds the sound of Hotch's voice filled her ears.

"_Emily, I'm sorry. You're right. I'm being horrible to you and to the kids. It's not fair. Tomorrow maybe we can take lunch together and talk about everything? Or Declan could watch Jack and Layla while we go talk over dinner? I have reasoning for my behavior lately, and maybe they aren't good reasons at all, but it's not fair of me to keep you in the dark about it. Especially since you trusted me to talk about why you wanted to leave the BAU. I love you, Emily. I'm sorry."_

She listened to it three more times. She didn't know why, all it did was make her cry, but hearing his voice was oddly comforting in a way. But in another way, it just made her feel guiltier. She'd been so mean to him, and now he was in a coma. If anyone deserved to be in a coma, it was her.

She shook her head, and set the cell phone down on the bed carefully. She stood up carefully, and slowly reached for the house phone she'd thrown minutes ago. Without thinking about it, she called JJ and explained what was going on as coherently as she possibly could.

"I'm coming over." JJ said as she hung up the phone. Emily found the energy to walk down the stairs quietly and unlock the door for her friend. On her way, she finally took a glance at the clock. It was just past 4am.

Minutes after hanging up, Emily heard the front door creak open and saw JJ stick her head inside, hair messily tossed up on her head, still clad in pajamas.

"Emily," She breathed, as if she hadn't let herself take a breath the entire drive over. She went over to Emily, who was sitting on the couch staring blankly ahead. JJ sat next to her and wrapped her in a hug. "I'm so sorry. Are you alright to drive? I can get Will to drive you. Or Garcia." JJ rambled.

Emily pulled away from JJ's embrace and shook her head. "I'm okay; it's not that far to the hospital. Thank you for being here. I feel bad leaving without telling the boys what's happened, but I'll feel worse leaving them when they're upset. I just- I need to see him. If it's- if he looks really bad I want to be able to let them know ahead of time, you know?" Emily said as she blinked rapidly. She knew if she let herself break down now, JJ would never let her drive herself to the hospital.

"I'd do the same thing. I'll let them know. Do you want me to send them to school, or…" Emily shook her head.

"No, just- let them stay here. Will you call me when they're up?" Emily requested softly. JJ nodded. "Thank you, Jayje. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Any time, go to him, Em." JJ said as she sent Emily off with another hug.

Just as Emily opened the front door, she heard JJ call her name.

"Yeah?" Emily turned just enough to see JJ in her line of vision.

"It's gonna be okay." JJ encouraged softly.

"Yeah… it'll be okay." Emily repeated with a faked soft smile as she closed the door behind her. She wished she could believe JJ, but Emily had the sinking feeling that the worst was yet to come.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you all for your interest in this story and your kind reviews! :)**

Emily drove as carefully as she could to the hospital, cursing at every traffic light that seemed to stop her. She could have made it there in half the time if not for them. She slammed on the brakes once she reached the parking lot, not caring that she was taking up two, maybe three parking spaces. She flung the door open and slammed it shut behind her, sprinting into the hospital.

Out of breath and teary-eyed, she approached the receptionist. She explained who she was, and within minutes Emily was directed into Hotch's hospital room. Emily barely registered the nurse saying that the doctor would come in in a minute to explain Hotch's injury in full detail before she was left completely alone with him.

Emily blinked and glanced around the room, she felt like she was in a trance, watching someone else go through the motions. She didn't remember walking across the room and sliding a chair up next to Hotch's bed, but here she was. She hadn't noticed before that some of his hair had been shaved off, or that he was hooked up to more machines than she could count. She hadn't noticed he was ghostly pale, or the gauze that covered what had to be a horrible gash on his left arm.

She didn't try to fight back the tears any longer as she reached over with shaking hands and took Hotch's hand in hers. She didn't care about anything any longer except the man lying on the bed in front of her.

"I'm sorry," Emily whispered as she leaned down and rested her head gently on Hotch's chest, feeling his shallow breaths. "I'm so sorry… please be okay." She continued, repeating it like a mantra.

She didn't stop until she heard the footsteps behind her. She lifted her head and turned around, never letting go of Hotch's hand.

"Mrs. Hotchner?" she heard the man say. "My name is Doctor Benson; I'm the doctor that worked on your husband."

"He's going to be okay, right? He'll wake up soon, right?" Emily asked, sounding weak and vulnerable, and very much unlike herself.

"It's going to take time, but he should wake up, yes. He suffered extensive trauma in his brain, and because of that it is swollen. His airbag didn't deploy for whatever reason on impact, and when paramedic arrived on the scene, the shoulder strap of the seatbelt was behind him, not across him like it should have been. It's possible that that's why his injuries are so bad."

Emily wanted to cry, but she bit her lip and held it together. She had told him so many times about wearing his stupid seatbelt the right way, but he never seemed to listen.

"Brain injuries are tricky, and are different every time we see one, but in your husband's case, we had to cut a small in the skull to drain fluid and relieve pressure, and hopefully help the swelling go down. We had to shave part of his head for the tube to go in. He will also be in a medically induced coma until tests confirm the swelling has gone down to a reasonable level where we can start the process of waking him up. I can't really give you a range, like I said; brain injuries are different every time." Emily nodded.

"Beyond the head trauma, there's also a pretty bad cut on his arm from the windshield. His ribs are bruised, and all his other injuries are minor cuts and bruises that will heal easily…Do you have any questions?"

Emily shook her head. "No, I understand. Thank you." Emily said, knowing she sounded emotionless and robotic.

"All right then, I'll leave you alone then. If you need anything just press that button right there by his bed and someone will be in shortly." Emily nodded, and Dr. Benson left the room and closed the door behind him.

Emily wasn't sure how to process all this information. She'd heard the doctor, she knew he expected Hotch to wake up, but what if he didn't? What if the swelling never went down? All the worst case scenarios flooded Emily's mind as she started another round of cries.

JJ sat on the couch at Emily's, a cup of tea was in front of her but JJ hadn't really been drinking it. She felt terribly for Emily, not knowing what she'd be doing right now if Will was in the same position as Hotch. But more than anything, JJ didn't know what she was going to tell Declan and Jack when they woke up, which should be any time now she noted as she glanced at the clock. Emily had left around 4am, and now it was nearing 7. She didn't have all the details from Emily, and she was sure the boys would have a lot of questions.

As if on cue, JJ heard footsteps coming slowly down the stairs.

"Hey," JJ smiled when she saw Declan come into the living room.

"Hey JJ. Is everything okay?" the curly-haired blonde asked tentatively.

"Is Jack up yet? And is the baby okay?" JJ asked, knowing she'd rather tell them together, rather than have to go through this two different times.

"I can go get them both." Declan said without hesitation, sensing that JJ had something important to tell them as he raced up the stair, returning moments later with Layla in his arms and Jack right on his heels. JJ took Layla from Declan and sat the still half asleep toddler in her lap.

"What happened?" Declan asked, concern and fear obvious in his tone.

JJ took a breath. "Your dad was on his way home from the case… but there was an accident. Your dad's in a coma, and your mom went to see him. I don't know anything else; as soon as she found out she called me to come be with you guys so she could go see him."

"Is he okay?" Jack asked, trying not to cry.

"I don't know, Jack." JJ said regretfully. She wished she could tell him that everything would be fine, but she didn't want to tell him that and be wrong. "Let me call your mom, okay? I'm sure you'll want to go see them both." JJ added, and both boys nodded.

"I'll take care of Layla." Declan said softly once the little girl started squirming and fussing in JJ's lap. JJ knew it was a distraction from the situation, but she handed Layla off to him and immediately called Emily. Jack sat as close as he possibly could to JJ, hoping to hear more about it from Emily.

"Hey," JJ said once Emily picked up.

"_Hey Jayje, are they all up now?" _Emily asked. JJ could tell she'd been crying.

"I just told them. I think they'd rather hear everything else from you, though. We can be there as soon as everyone is ready." JJ told her friend, wishing she was there with her. Emily shouldn't be alone right now.

"_Okay… can I talk to them right now really quick though?" _Emily questioned.

"Of course." JJ confirmed, motioning for Jack to follow her in the kitchen where Declan was currently feeding Layla. "Okay Em, you're on speaker."

"_Hi," _Emily said weakly. _"Your dad's going to be okay, he has a really bad brain injury and so the doctors are going to keep him in a coma for a while… but they don't know how long." _Emily explained.

"What's a coma?" Jack asked innocently.

"_It's like being asleep for a really long time." _Emily explained as best as she could.

"Oh," was Jack's only response.

"_JJ's going to bring you down here soon, okay? So I'll see you then. I love you guys." _Emily said, and JJ took the phone off speaker.

"I'll be there with them soon." JJ promised as the call ended.

None of them took the time to do anything but brush their teeth and grab a bag for Layla before they were all out the door and on the way to the hospital. With Jack and Layla in the backseat, JJ took the few minutes to try to talk to Declan, who hadn't said a word since JJ had told them the news.

"Are you okay, Declan?" JJ asked, knowing he wasn't.

"I'm fine." Declan confirmed, continuing to stare out the window.

"I know being the oldest you probably feel like you need to be stronger for the younger ones, but it's okay to get upset, Dec. He's your dad, too."

"Thanks JJ, but I'm okay." Declan persisted. JJ didn't say anything else. Declan was too much like Emily, regardless of who his biological parents were and who he'd spent his time with for the past several years. He was just as stubborn and compartmentalized just as well as Emily did.

JJ pulled into the hospital parking lot, finding a place and parking the car as quickly as she could. She unloaded Layla from her car seat, Declan offering to take her bag as the four of them went into the hospital.

"Hey Em," JJ said softly as she poked her head through the hospital room door. "We're here." She announced as she swung the door open, Declan and Jack filing in and rushing to her side instantly, with JJ still carrying Layla coming in next. At the sight of her mother, Layla instantly reached for her.

"Hey," Emily smiled for the first time since early that morning as she took the wiggling toddler from JJ and sat her in her lap. Jack and Declan hugged her tightly on each side. "It's okay," she said gently, knowing they had to be just as terrified as she was.

"Why does he look different?" Jack asked; his eyes wide and full of fear at the sight of his father.

"They had to put a little hole in his head to take out some fluid in his brain that's causing the swelling. And he got pretty banged up in the car accident, and he's a little bit paler than normal, but he'll be okay." Emily assured the boy.

"Can he hear us?" Jack asked.

"I'd like to think so." Emily told him as she kissed his head.

"Can we bring stuff from home later? His room is boring looking. Maybe we could get him cards!" Jack said excitedly.

"I think that would be perfect." Emily agreed with a smile. The little girl in her arms was apparently tired of being held and was currently trying to jump out of Emily's arms.

"You have absolutely no idea what's going on, do you little miss?" Emily asked as she sat the girl down on the floor, who immediately began exploring her surroundings. "Nope, you don't have a clue." Emily wished she was that young again just for a moment, or that she was as resilient as Jack, who simply thought his father was sleeping. She smiled as the ten-year-old sat on the ground and played with Layla, telling her all the things they could do to decorate Hotch's hospital room.

Declan stood next to Emily, but he still hadn't said a word.

"Are you okay, Dec?" Emily asked. Declan nodded, but Emily knew he wasn't telling her the truth. She glanced to JJ, who seemed to be able to read Emily's mind.

"Jack, what do you say you and I take Layla to get your dad something from the gift shop together?" JJ asked, and the boy excitedly and readily agreed.

"Okay, it's just you and me now. What's going on in your head?" Emily asked him.

Declan shrugged. "Is he really going to be okay? I mean… people die from head traumas." Declan said.

Emily bit her lip and nodded. "I know, but the doctor assured me that as soon as the swelling goes down they can start waking him up."

"What if it doesn't go down, Mom? What if he's like this forever?" Declan asked worriedly.

"There's not a single scenario that hasn't gone through my mind like that, Dec. But we just- we have to believe that it's going to be okay. I don't want you to worry; I'm worrying enough for all of us." Emily said as she reached up and patted Declan's shoulder.

"I'm mad at him." Declan admitted quietly. "Even though he's… like this. I'm still mad."

Emily took a breath; she hadn't really vocalized her anger towards Hotch to anyone yet, but she especially hadn't told the children.

"I yelled at him right before this happened." Emily admitted as she started to cry. "I was mad at him for not calling you, for always being gone, for not seeming like he cared. But he does care, Declan. He's always cared. I feel like this is my fault, and I feel guilty for being angry at him. None of us saw this coming, how could we? I don't want you to beat yourself up about it, because as soon as he wakes up everything's going to be just fine." Emily promised. Declan nodded, and Emily stood up and hugged him tightly and kissed him on the cheek. "I love you, kiddo."

"Love you too, Mom." Declan said back, the light already coming back in his eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you all so much for your sweet reviews! : ) It means so much to me! **

The past three weeks had seemed never ending to Emily in some ways. She'd taken time off from work, splitting all her time between the hospital and being at home. When she was at home, she felt guilty leaving Hotch all by himself in the hospital room. What if he woke up and she wasn't there? What if something happened and she wasn't there? But on the other hand, when she was at the hospital, she felt guilty leaving the kids at home without her.

Jack had dutifully taken on the task of decorating Hotch's hospital room, spending all his free time making Get Well cards and posters. By the end of the first week, Jack had transformed the room from a dull, boring, depressing place into a colorful, festive, almost happy place. He had hung cards on the inside of the door, on the walls, and the sides of Hotch's bed. He'd even gotten Layla to scribble on some paper and he hung those up too.

Being only ten, Jack had good days and bad days. Some days he seemed like he always did; joking around and making everyone laugh. But some days he didn't want Emily to be out of his sight, and some nights he crawled into hers and Hotch's bed because he couldn't sleep. Emily handled it as best as she could, but if she was being honest, she had no idea what she was doing.

JJ and Garcia were a huge help, stepping in wherever they could to help Emily out. But Emily was wearing herself out. Between spending time at the hospital and trying to be there for each one of the kids was proving to be more difficult than she imagined.

Jack's mood could change in an instant, so she never knew how he was going to be from one moment to the next. Declan helped out as much as he could, but he was much more quiet than normal. Emily felt bad asking him to help out, because she knew as grown up as he tried to make himself seem, he was still a kid. He was just as scared as Jack was most likely, but he wouldn't admit. Emily tried talking to him, but it was more like talking to a brick wall.

Even taking care of Layla was more difficult for Emily than she ever remembered it being. The toddler wasn't quite old enough to understand what was happening, but she knew something was wrong. She could sense the tension and sadness at home. It made the usually happy, easygoing little girl much more cranky than normal. Emily had taken Layla to the hospital just a few times in the past three weeks, and it always ended with a temper tantrum and Emily having to whisk the girl out of the room.

Sleeping seemed like a foreign concept to Emily. She couldn't remember the last time she slept more than a few fitful hours at a time. All the days seemed to run together, she couldn't tell one apart from the day before it. She forced herself to eat enough, so that everyone else in the house could at least keep that much normalcy in their lives.

Her days consisted of trying to get both Jack and Declan to school on time, going to the hospital, trying to get some work done at home- but usually she just stared at it and gave up, picking the boys up from school, and making dinner. Then she had to get them all in bed at a reasonable hour so she could stare at the ceiling for eight hours and do it all again. It didn't really seem like that much, but it was physically, mentally, and emotionally draining. But Emily knew if not for the three of their children, she wouldn't be able to do as much as get out of bed. They needed her, and she needed them.

Emily glanced at the clock, seeing that the alarm was set to go off in twenty minutes; it had been yet another sleepless night. She sighed and turned the alarm off, wondering why she even bothered to continue setting it night after night. She dragged herself out of bed, feeling the ever present knot in the pit of her stomach that hadn't gotten any smaller in the past three weeks. She crept down the hall, poking her head in each of the kids' rooms to check on them. It was still very early for any of them to be awake, and they were all asleep as Emily expected. At least they were getting sleep, she thought as she headed back into her room to take a shower.

She took longer than normal since she'd gotten up earlier. She hated being alone these days, because when she was all she could do was think about the worst case scenarios. What if something happened and they couldn't bring Hotch out of the coma? What if she had to decide whether to keep him on life support or to take him off it? What if she had to look their children in the eye and give them even more bad news? Mostly, though, she wondered how much longer all of this was going to go on. The uncertainty of the situation was nauseating. The doctor said Hotch was improving, that he was stabilizing and the swelling in his brain was going down, but hadn't quite reached the level it needed to be at for him to wake up completely.

She knew that things were going normally, but at any time things could take a turn. Emily wasn't a doctor, but she wasn't so naïve to think that any kind of head injury was predictable. She knew that no matter what, she wasn't going to breathe properly again until Hotch was awake and coherent; until she physically saw that he was okay.

She turned off the shower only when she felt the water turn cold. She dried off and got dressed. Her daily attire these days seemed to only consist of yoga pants and loose fitted t-shirts, and today was no exception. She didn't see the point in doing anything to her hair beyond drying it as best as she could with the towel. She exited the bathroom and out of the bedroom to start getting everyone up and ready for school.

Before she could, though, the phone rang. Emily's heart stopped just as it did every time the phone rang lately before she quickly located and answered it.

"Hello?" she asked, in too much of a hurry to check and see who it was.

"Mrs. Hotchner, this is Dr. Benson. Your husband's swelling has gone down and has stayed down since last night, so since we've been slowly giving him less and less medicine, he could wake up at any time. He won't wake up right away. It could be today, or it could be a week from now. We'll just have-"

"Just have to wait and see, right doc?" Emily asked sardonically. She didn't mean to be bitter; she was just tired of waiting, and tired of the not knowing. She just wanted to get on with the next step.

"Exactly. If he wakes up and you're not here I promise you somebody will notify you as soon as it happens." The doctor explained.

"Okay, thank you. I'll be by in a little while after I get the kids to school." Emily said as the call ended.

She sighed as she sat the phone down. She should be happier than she was, she should feel more relieved. But she wasn't any happier, and the knot in her stomach hadn't gotten any smaller. She glanced at the clock, noting she was ten minutes behind than she normally was. Hurriedly, she went into Declan's room and shook him awake, as he always seemed to sleep through his alarm that was blaring loudly when Emily entered the room. She shut it off and managed to wake him up after a few minutes. She repeated the same process with Jack, who was a bit harder to get up in the mornings than Declan was.

While the boys were getting ready, Emily went into Layla's bedroom, smiling when she saw the little girl standing in her crib waiting for her.

"Good morning," Emily said happily as she picked the little girl up, and got her ready for the day just as she always did.

After that, she took her downstairs and sat her in her high chair with cereal and juice. She started a quick breakfast for Jack and Declan who came clattering down the stairs just as she finished it up.

"Morning," Emily said happily, as the two of them returned the greeting. They ate their food in silence, and Emily knew she needed to tell them both about the call from the doctor this morning rather than keep them in the dark.

"So, the doctor called me this morning." Emily said slowly, taking a sip of coffee.

"What'd he say? Is everything okay?" Declan asked concernedly.

"He said that your dad could wake up any time now. They've been slowly taking him off the medicine that's kept him in a coma, and now his brain has reached the level they needed it at for him to wake up. He said it could be any time, but I think it'll be a few more days." Emily explained.

"Can we stay home today?" Jack asked hopefully.

Emily wanted to say yes. She wanted to let them all stay home and come with her to the hospital and wait until Hotch woke up so they could all be there at the same time, but she knew she couldn't. She knew he wouldn't wake up today, and she couldn't keep them out of school unnecessarily.

"I'm afraid not, buddy." Emily said. "But, I promise you I'll take you to see him right after school." She added when she saw Jack's face fall.

"Okay." He agreed reluctantly.

"It's okay," she told them. "The worst of this will be over soon." She encouraged before noting the time and ushering the boys off to get their backpacks. She dropped them off at school, the car ride over mostly silent.

Then she took Layla home and debated for hours on whether or not to go to the hospital. Part of her wanted to be there every single second, but another part of her never wanted to see Hotch in the state he was currently in ever again. She wanted him to be awake when she saw him again, but what if that wasn't for days? Weeks, even? Plus, she didn't like taking Layla there, since it seemed the toddler didn't understand what a coma was, she didn't understand why he wouldn't wake up when she talked to him, and all it did was frustrate her. But, Emily also didn't like taking Layla to day care just to spend the whole day at Hotch's beside.

She spent so long debating, that by the time she made a decision, it was time to go pick the boys up from their respective schools. She did just that, feeling like she was in some sort of daze. It was like her body had programmed itself to continue functioning, but her mind was elsewhere. No one spoke a word as Emily drove to the hospital.

They did as they always did, Declan sitting in the waiting room with Layla while Emily took Jack back to see Hotch, and after a few minutes she came to wait with the baby while Declan went to see Hotch and be with Jack. Emily felt bad bringing Layla to the hospital every day unnecessarily, but she had nowhere else to take her, and this seemed to be the only thing that worked for them.

This exact same ritual continued on for four long and tiresome days. However, on Friday afternoon Emily got a call just before dinner that changed everything. She was standing at the stove, stirring a pot of macaroni and cheese when the phone rang. Declan answered it and hurriedly ran into the kitchen to give her the phone.

"It's the doctor," He said.

"Hello?" Emily asked, concerned and terrified.

"Mrs. Hotchner, your husband's awake." Dr. Benson said, but there was something about his tone.

"Why did you say it like that?" Emily asked feeling years younger, like a terrified little girl.

"It's just best that you come down here as quickly as you can. I think you should have someone stay with your children." He explained.

Emily bit her lip and tried to stay calm since Declan was standing next to her still. "Can't you tell me why?"

"There seems to be a problem with his memory, but maybe if he sees and talks to you it will help. I just don't want to overwhelm him." He told her.

"Okay." Emily said weakly. "I'll be there soon." She said as she ended the call.

"What?" Declan asked impatiently, knowing something was wrong.

"Your dad's awake… but they said something's wrong with his memory and I need to go down there and see him. But I need you to stay here with Jack and Layla, okay? Or do you want me to call JJ?" Emily asked.

"We'll be fine, just go." Declan said. "And if I need anything, I promise I'll call JJ." Declan added.

"Okay." Emily said. "What am I supposed to tell Jack?" She asked out loud. He would be heartbroken if he knew Hotch was finally awake after all this time, but that he wasn't allowed to go see him. But she didn't want to lie to him, either.

"Just go tell him that the doctor told you to go talk to him, and that you'll be back soon." Declan said.

"What would I do without you?" Emily asked as she hugged him tightly. "I'll be back as soon as I can, okay? Love you," she said as she left the room and ran up the stairs to break the news to Jack.

After about ten minutes of asking why he wouldn't come with her, and a few tears, Emily had successfully managed to leave the house and get to the hospital.

She raced inside and straight to Hotch's hospital room, where the doctor was waiting for her outside.

"How bad is it?" Emily asked.

"When he woke up, the artwork on the walls from your son confused him. He said there's no way Jack could have drawn that well yet. I told him I would call you, his wife, but he insisted he didn't have a wife. But he mentioned a Beth. Do you know who Beth is?" the doctor asked.

Emily nodded, fighting back tears. "He dated Beth a few years ago… but they broke up when she got a new job offer, and not long after that we got together. It's kind of complicated, really. Does he not remember me?" Emily asked, and then her heart stopped with the next realization. "Does he not remember adopting Declan? Me adopting Jack? Or… or Layla?" Emily choked out.

"Maybe if you go in there and talk to him, he'll remember. Do you want to be alone?"

Emily nodded. "But can you stay close?" she asked, and he agreed.

Emily took a breath before she entered the room, pushing the door open softly. There he was, sitting up in bed. He looked much better already, but Emily noticed a change in his eyes, he looked confused and maybe even a little bit scared.

"Hi," she mumbled as she shut the door behind her.

"Emily?" he asked, but he didn't sound happy to see her, he didn't sound like he understood why she was there. He didn't remember that they were married.


	5. Chapter 5

Emily crept farther into the room, trying to keep herself together for now. Maybe he was just confused, maybe if she explained what happened he'd be okay. She slid a chair over by his bed and sat in it, not trusting her legs to keep her standing much longer.

"Do you remember- how you got here?" she asked, cursing herself as her breath hitched in her throat.

Hotch looked around, confused. "No," Hotch said honestly. "How long have I been here? What happened? Are you okay?"

Emily bit her lip; she didn't know exactly how much she should tell him. She didn't want to overwhelm him, and she knew this wasn't his fault. That didn't stop a part of her from wanting to scream and yell at him, to force him to remember their life together.

"I'll be right back," Emily said softly. She wanted to ask the doctor what to do, because she had no idea.

"Emily?" Hotch asked as she turned to walk away.

"Yeah?" Emily said weakly.

"Has anyone talked to Beth? And Jack- Jack, he's okay, right? Where is he?" he asked all at once, the initial shock of waking up seeming to wear off. Emily froze. He confirmed what she already knew, but was praying wouldn't be true. He'd forgotten his memory- at least parts of it. She didn't know exactly where he was in his mind, but she figured he just thought they were friends. He didn't know, she assumed by his question, that he and Beth had broken up. He didn't know that they'd gotten married. He didn't know any of it.

"I'm going to get your doctor so he can talk to you." She said quickly, getting out of the room before he could say anything else.

Just as he promised, Doctor Benson wasn't far away. Emily approached him, feeling like she was in a dream.

"He- he doesn't remember me. He doesn't remember our children. He doesn't remember our life. What am I supposed to say to him? What do I do?" Emily asked, feeling weak and helpless and hating every second of it.

"You have to tell him the truth. I can't tell you how it'll go, and I can't tell you how long this will last. This isn't going to be easy, not by any means, and I can't tell you how sorry I am." Dr. Benson said sincerely.

"Will he get his memory back? Don't sugar-coat it, please. I just- I need to know what to prepare for." Emily said. No one prepared her for this. Memory loss had been discussed, but Emily had been naïve enough to assume he just wouldn't remember the accident. She'd assumed that once he woke up everything would be fine again. She had thought of as many scenarios as she could, but not once had she thought of this.

"I don't know. He could get it back in a few hours, a few days, or… or he could never fully remember. There's really no way of knowing. I wish I had answers for you, but this is a delicate situation that's different every time, with every patient." He explained regretfully.

"So you're telling me that there's a possibility he's never going to remember again?" Emily spat angrily, arms crossed over her chest.

"Unfortunately, yes. The only thing to do right now is figure out the last actual memory he has, and go from there. You have to fill him in, it might make him remember, but it may not. Other than his memory, he's actually doing much better than I thought he would be doing. I have other rounds to make, so I can't stay with you while you talk to him. Do you want someone else in there with you?" the doctor asked her. Emily knew none of this was his fault, but she couldn't help but be angry at him. She just wanted to be alone, so she shook her head and without another word spun around and went back into Hotch's room.

"Hey," she greeted sadly as she took her seat by the bed again. Hotch had a picture that Jack had drawn in his hands, staring at it intently.

"How long have I been here?" Hotch asked, not removing his eyes from the drawing. Emily took a glance at it before answering his question. Jack had drawn all five of them, as best as a ten-year-old possibly could.

"You've been here a little over three weeks." Emily answered honestly. Hotch looked confused, and she really did feel bad for him, he had to be terrified. "What- what's the last thing you remember?" she asked, afraid of the answer.

"I remember the bank." Hotch said simply. Emily closed her eyes, afraid he would say something like that. The bank being held hostage and blown up had been three, maybe closer to four years ago.

"Is that why I'm here? Did something happen? I remember thinking I needed to call Beth for something. Is Jack with her?" Hotch wondered.

"Jack's okay." She answered simply.

"Why did he draw this?" Hotch asked, referring to the picture in his hands. "There's something you aren't telling me, Emily."

Emily took a sharp breath. The only way to do this was just to tell him, trying to take is slowly was just going to frustrate them both. "The bank case was almost four years ago." She told him.

"Emily this really isn't the time for your jokes. I want to see Jack." Hotch said, growing aggravated.

"No, just listen to me, please. This isn't easy. That happened four years ago. Since then, you and Beth broke up. I took a different job in a different department. I took Declan in. And after you and Beth broke up we kind of- we got together. You proposed to me on my birthday three years ago, and we got married. You adopted Declan, I adopted Jack, and… and we have a two year old daughter. Her name's Layla. See?" Emily asked, pulling her phone out of her pocket and scrolling through the various photos she had; some of the boys, but mostly of Layla. She let him look and process as much of that as he could before she continued.

"Three weeks ago you got into a car accident on the way home from a case. You hit your head and you had to be medically induced into a coma. And I guess… now that you're awake you've lost some of your memory." Emily explained, trying not to break down yet. She would have time for that later.

"How would I not remember any of this?" Hotch asked.

"I don't know. I don't know if you'll ever remember. But you have to believe me." Emily said desperately. Maybe lately she and Hotch had been in somewhat of a rough patch, but she never stopped loving him, but she was afraid he might not feel the same anymore. He didn't remember falling in love with her.

Hotch didn't say anything, he just stared at her for a long moment. "I don't know what you want me to say." He sighed.

_That you remember. _Emily thought. "You don't have to say anything. I get it." _No I don't. _"But regardless, I have to go tell the kids something. I left them with Declan. They've been so worried about you. They're going to want to come see you, you know." Emily told him. "I don't mean to spring this on you all at once, but what do you want me to do?" she asked.

"You can bring them here. They don't have to know I don't remember them." Hotch tried.

"I'm not going to lie to them. I can understand that you probably feel a little bit guilty for not remembering two of them, but they'll catch on. Maybe Layla won't, she'll just be happy to see that you're awake, and that when she talks to you, you'll be able to talk back to her now. But Declan's so smart; he'll figure it out even if I don't tell him. I have to tell them the truth, Aaron."

Hotch blinked, a bit taken aback by the use of his first name coming from Emily's mouth, but quickly acted like it hadn't happened.

"Okay, just- tell them I'm sorry." He agreed.

Emily nodded. "I'll be back, it might be awhile, though." She said.

Hotch nodded back, and Emily quietly exited the room. She saw some nurses pass her on the way, knowing they were probably going to check on Hotch. She practically ran out to her car, not stopping until she was in the driver's seat. For the first time since she'd heard the news, she let herself cry. With shaky hands, she pulled out her phone again. She knew JJ was probably home from work now if the team hadn't caught a case, so she dialed the familiar number.

"Emily, are you okay?" she heard seconds later. "Declan told me Hotch was awake. But he told me to go on home from work and not come stay with them." JJ explained quickly.

"JJ, he doesn't remember. He's lost four years of his memory, or something. He doesn't remember marrying me, or anything! What am I supposed to do?" Emily asked through her tears. It wasn't often she asked for help, but even this was more than Emily could handle. She wanted somebody, anybody to tell her what she was supposed to do, how she was supposed to handle this.

"What do you mean?" JJ asked.

"When he woke up he asked about Beth and when I got there I asked him what he remembered last, and he told me the bank! He doesn't remember anything after that. And I don't know how to tell Declan that he doesn't remember him! And Layla is two years old, for Christ's sake. She doesn't even know what's going on, really. But he doesn't remember her! He doesn't remember our life together, Jayje." Emily said quickly, not even sure if she was making sense. "Tell me what to do!"

"Have you told him what's happened over the years?" JJ asked, trying to remain calm.

Emily nodded, but then remembered JJ couldn't see her. "Yeah. I didn't go into a lot of detail, though. I left before I talked to the doctor again, but I told him I would bring the kids by. Maybe- maybe if he sees them it'll trigger something and he'll remember everything, or maybe not. What about when he gets released from the hospital? What if he doesn't want to live with us?" Emily rambled, but JJ stopped her before she could continue.

"Emily, you have to calm down. I know this is scary, and I'm so sorry. I wish I knew exactly what to do, but I don't. You can't think about those things right now. You can't even think about tomorrow. You're all going to have to take this one day at a time. I'm sure later the doctor will give you more advice on how to handle this, and you know I'll be here for you every second. Now calm down and go to the kids, okay? Actually no- you know what? I'm coming over so you won't have to tell them alone." JJ offered.

"I can't ask you to do that, you just got home." Emily said softly.

"You didn't ask, I offered. Do you want me to pick you up, or do you want to meet me at your house?" JJ asked, and Emily knew no matter how much she argued, JJ wasn't going to change her mind.

"I'll just meet you there. Thank you, JJ. I really don't know what I would do without you." Emily said gratefully.

"It's gonna be okay, Em. See you soon." JJ said as she hung up the phone. Emily did the same, but didn't move for a few minutes, allowing herself time to try and calm down. JJ's words continued to ring in her head over and over again. _It's gonna be okay. _She'd heard that before, and look where they were now. She knew JJ was just trying to be a good friend, but it _wasn't _okay. There was a strong possibility it would never be okay again. That was Emily's only thought as she drove slowly and carefully back to her house.


	6. Chapter 6

Emily thought the whole way home about what to say to Jack and Declan. Nothing she thought of sounded good enough. Nothing made sense. She sat in the car after she parked it outside the house for a few minutes, feeling incredibly guilty. She wanted to see them, but she didn't want to go in there. She didn't want to have to explain the situation to them.

Figuring she couldn't waste any more time, she took one look in the mirror and decided it wasn't worth it to hide the fact she'd been crying. She climbed out of the car and went into the house, finding all three of them in the living room. They were quiet, which was something unusual for the three of them.

"Hey," Emily greeted warmly as she sat on the couch in between Jack and Declan, both of whom looked like they'd seen a ghost. Emily turned to pick up Layla, who was reaching for her.

"Is Dad okay?" Jack asked.

"He's okay, but...but his memory's a little fuzzy. He forgot some things..." Emily tried to explain.

"Like?" Declan prodded.

"The last thing he remembers is that case I told you about right before you came to live with me, where the bank exploded." Emily said. "He doesn't remember anything after that."

Declan's only response was a quiet "oh."

"He wants me to bring you guys down there, though. Maybe seeing you will spark something and he'll remember. The doctor told me there's no way for us to know when he'll get his whole memory back, so we all need to be patient with him." Emily explained.

"Can I stay here?" Declan asked quietly.

"You don't want to go see him?" Emily asked, afraid this might be Declan's reaction.

"I just- I'm kind of tired, I doubt I'd be much fun." Declan said, Emily knew it was just an excuse, but it wasn't like she could force him to come with her. She knew Declan well enough to know that he needed alone time, it was how he processed things.

"If you promise me you'll come next time?" Emily compromised. Declan nodded, and then without another word he went up to his room.

Emily frowned, she felt terrible leaving him home by himself like this, but if he refused to come there wasn't much else she could do.

"Can we go see him now?" Jack asked impatiently.

"Yeah, just- just let me call JJ really quick. Will you go get Layla's bag for me?" She asked. Jack nodded and raced up the stairs.

Emily stood up, and picked Layla up with her. She pulled her phone from her pocket and called JJ and tell her that Declan was home alone, and JJ promised she would call and check on him soon.

"Okay, I'm ready!" Jack said as he bounded down the stairs, just as soon as Emily hung up the phone. He handed Layla's bag to Emily, who then slung it over her shoulder.

"You guys ate dinner, right?" Emily asked.

"Declan let me help him finish the macaroni." Jack confirmed.

"Okay, then we're ready." Emily smiled as they left the house and piled into the car.

The ride to the hospital was different than normal- it wasn't silent and filled with dread, but instead Jack and Layla sat in the backseat, Jack happily trying to explain the situation to Layla. Mostly, the little girl was just repeating everything Jack was saying, but it made Emily smile anyway.

She pulled into the familiar parking lot, parking in the same general area that she normally did. She quickly unbuckled Layla from her seat, knowing Jack was more than ready to finally see his dad after all this time. When they got to Hotch's room, Emily put a hand on Jack's shoulder before she let him enter.

"Remember what I told you about his memory?" she asked, as he nodded impatiently. "Okay, good. His head probably hurt pretty badly, too. So try not to be too loud." She warned as Jack just nodded and raced into the room without knocking or anything, with Emily following right behind him.

"Daddy!" Jack said excitedly and of course very loudly. Emily cringed for Hotch, knowing that couldn't have been good for his head.

"Hey, buddy." Hotch said quietly, pulling the excited child in for a hug. It was different, Emily noticed. Maybe she was over analyzing or just being paranoid, but it was different to her. Hotch didn't look as excited as he normally did to see Jack. Emily felt uneasy about this visit already.

"Mom said you forgot a lot of stuff, but that's okay- you'll remember it soon won't you?" Jack asked as he climbed up on the bed with Hotch without an invitation. Hotch simply put a hand on Jack's head, but before he could respond to Jack, Layla made her presence known.

"Daddy!" the little girl exclaimed, trying as hard as she could to wriggle out of Emily's arms. Emily put her down, unable to prevent herself from smiling as Layla walked as fast as her little legs would take her over to Hotch's bed. For two seconds, Emily forgot that Hotch didn't remember the little girl standing by his bed, asking to be picked up. When the reality hit Emily again, she felt like someone had kicked her right in the gut.

"I'm sorry." Emily said quickly, moving to pick Layla up and sit down in the chair that still sat by Hotch's bed.

"It's okay, she doesn't know." Hotch said, but Emily could tell he wasn't sure what to do.

"Daddy awake!" Layla said to Emily, as she continued to try to get out of her mother's arms.

"Yes, sweetheart. He's awake." Emily nodded, suddenly feeling extremely uncomfortable. "Do you want her to sit with you? She clearly doesn't want to sit with me right now." Emily said to Hotch.

"There's room for one more, I think." Hotch agreed. So, Emily moved the squirming child over to Hotch's bed. Layla babbled on about something neither Hotch nor Emily could really decipher for two minutes before she finally cuddled into Hotch's side, and Emily knew she'd be asleep within minutes.

"I don't want to make this anymore strange for you than necessary, but she's been talking about you constantly for weeks." Emily informed him, hoping that bit of information would help rather than hurt.

"She looks just like you." Hotch said with a forced smile.

"Do you like your decorations, Dad?" Jack asked- before Emily could say anything else.

"I do, Jack. They really make the room much happier. Thank you." He said sincerely.

"Why don't I give you guys some time to catch up? I need to go ask the doctor some questions…" Emily said as she excused herself from the room.

She wandered around the hospital in search of the doctor, she wasn't really sure what to ask, she didn't have anything in mind that he could actually answer, but she needed to leave the room. Part of her felt guilty, she probably shouldn't have left a ten year old and a two year old alone with a man who hadn't been conscious for very long, but she knew Layla would be asleep before she got back, and Jack was old enough to be okay without her standing over him for a few minutes.

Emily found the doctor moments later, having just finished rounds of checking up on other patients. He rounded the corner and nearly ran into Emily, who wasn't paying much attention to where she was going anymore.

"Sorry." She mumbled.

"It's okay. How is he? No change?" Dr. Benson asked hopefully, but Emily could see in his eyes he didn't expect good news from her.

Emily shook her head. "No, I don't think he remembers a thing. Jack's just excited he's awake, and he's probably talking his ear off right now in there. He's the ten year old." Emily explained. "I left him and the baby in there, only because she was about to fall asleep anyway. They'll be okay, right? Maybe I shouldn't have left-"

"Emily," Dr. Benson said, using her first name rather than 'Mrs. Hotchner,' "It's okay, and I'm sure they're all fine." He reassured her calmly.

"What am I supposed to do? I mean, after he leaves here?" Emily asked.

"Well, I'd like to keep him here at least a couple more days, but with memory loss patients, it's generally recommended to try and ease them back into their old life. If he's back at home, following some sort of normal schedule, it'll help. You'll have to be very patient with him, don't try to force memories. Maybe show him some pictures, tell him some stories. I wish I had more concrete information to give you, or a sure fire way to cure him, but you know I can't." The doctor told her sadly. "I really am sorry about this." He added.

Emily nodded, feeling even more lost and confused than she already had. She bit her lip and fought back the tears before asking the one question she really wanted to ask, but terrified of the answer. "What if- what if he doesn't want to come back?" she asked hesitantly.

The doctor paused, and looked at Emily with regret. "I don't know. You'll just have to talk to him and try to convince him. Honestly, I've never had this happen to a patient of mine. I mean, I've heard stories, read statistics, things of that nature; but it's a whole different ballgame when you're actually handling it yourself." Benson told her honestly.

"So I just- go back in there and tell him that when he leaves he has to come with me to a place he doesn't know when he's not even comfortable around me?" Emily asked defensively.

"I'm afraid so, but you don't have to talk about it with him right now, he still has time."

Emily knew he was right, and decided to try not to let it bother her until later. She thanked him, and turned on her heel to go back to Hotch's room. She knew Jack was going to argue about leaving, but it was getting late and she just wanted to be home, she had a lot to think about.

She entered the strangely quiet room, finding Layla on one side of Hotch where she'd left her, sound asleep, and Hotch and Jack sitting quietly next to each other. Neither of them were speaking, but neither one looked upset.

"Hi," she said upon entering. "You guys okay?" she asked as she shut the door behind her and walked over to the bed, opting not to sit in the chair; she was too jittery to sit still.

"We're fine, just keeping quiet since the baby fell asleep." He told her.

"Sorry about that." Emily apologized stiffly.

"It's fine." He assured her. After a moment of awkward silence, he spoke again. "So, where'd you run off to?"

"I didn't run off," Emily said warily. "I just went to go talk to the doctor." She said as she crossed her arms. She wasn't sure what exactly made her feel so on-edge all of a sudden, but she was prepared to justify her actions. Maybe it was because she felt guilty for leaving Hotch to watch after them when he wasn't necessarily prepared to, or because the tone he'd taken with her sounded incredibly condescending, or maybe a combination of the two.

"About?" Hotch prodded.

"About what happens next. But you've still got to stay here a couple more days, so we don't need to worry about any of that right away." Emily said. Even if Hotch wanted to talk about what happened between them after he was released, Emily wasn't prepared for that right now.

"Why can't he come home tonight? He's okay now!" Jack whined, leaning further back into his spot next to Hotch on the bed, as if to protest the idea of leaving without him.

"To make sure he stays awake, and that nothing else is wrong. It's just to be on the safe side, honey." Emily explained, dreading the argument she knew was inevitable.

"But I want him to come home _now_!" Jack complained. "Can we spend the night here?" Jack offered softly, pleading with her with his eyes, knowing that normally got him whatever he wanted. As much as Emily wanted to say yes, she just couldn't.

"No, not tonight. You have school tomorrow, and I know you'd much rather spend the day here, but I'll bring you all to visit after school." Emily said firmly. She felt selfish, depriving Jack of his father like this, but she felt like she wasn't needed, or even wanted in the same room as Hotch.

"But Mom!" Jack continued pouting. "Please? You don't have to stay; me and Dad will be fine! Won't we Dad?" Jack asked, looking up at Hotch.

Emily made eye contact with him, only to try to gauge what he was thinking. He seemed incredibly taken aback by Jack calling her 'Mom,' and that made Emily feel unnecessarily guilty. Hotch didn't remember Emily being any sort of mother figure to Jack, and Emily knew before she and Declan and Layla came along, that Jack was his number one priority.

"Dad?" Jack asked again.

"Um- Well, buddy, as much as I'd love to spend all day with you tomorrow, I think you'd probably get bored sitting around here all day." Hotch said.

"Besides," Emily added. "The doctors will probably want to talk to him and run some tests, and he needs to rest in between that. Okay?" She asked, holding her breath in hopes that the argument stopped before it continued any farther.

Jack sighed. "Fine. But I am not happy about this." He made that very clear, but Emily just nodded in response.

Just as Emily was about to tell Jack they needed to leave, Hotch spoke again.

"Declan didn't want to come?" he asked.

Emily wasn't exactly sure what to say. She hadn't had a chance to really talk to Declan yet, but she assumed he didn't want to come because he didn't see a point if Hotch didn't even remember him. Emily's felt terribly for him, he had been so worried about Hotch ever since the accident, and Declan had felt awful about thinking badly of him before this all happened. She couldn't imagine how he must feel now.

"He said he would come next time." Emily decided on saying.

"Oh, okay." Hotch said.

"Well," Emily said as she picked at a string on the hem of her shirt. "I think we'd better go home so I can get everyone to sleep at a decent hour. We'll come back tomorrow?" Emily asked.

"See you tomorrow." Hotch agreed.

Emily leaned down and carefully picked Layla up, mentally crossing her fingers that she wouldn't wake up. The last thing she needed right now was a sleepy, cranky toddler. She sighed in relief when Layla simply rested her head on Emily's shoulder and didn't wake up.

Surprisingly, Jack jumped off the bed after giving Hotch one last hug and followed Emily out of the room without any more arguments or complaints, and for that Emily was grateful.

The ride home was silent for the most part, until Jack asked a question that Emily had been asking herself all afternoon.

"Mom, do you think Dad still loves you, even though he doesn't remember he married you?" Jack asked with a yawn.

Emily didn't say anything for a long moment, what was she supposed to say? Maybe somewhere deep down, he still did love her. Or maybe, what Emily feared the most, was that since he didn't remember ever loving her in the first place, that he might not ever fall back in love with her. She felt ridiculous; she'd never considered herself to be a hopeless romantic. But over the years, Hotch had become not only the man she'd fallen in love with, but also her best friend. She didn't want to consider the possibility of losing him completely. She knew she wouldn't be able to handle it.

"Maybe, I don't really know, Jack. It's not that simple." She answered, trying to keep her voice from shaking.

"It's not complicated. If he loved you once, he can do it again." Jack said with a shrug. Emily smiled weakly at Jack as she glanced in the rearview mirror. She spent the rest of the drive home just wishing it was just that easy.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hope you guys are still enjoying the story! : ) & I hope you all have a Merry Christmas! **

Later that night, Emily sat awake in the living room after everyone else was tucked safely in their beds. The television was on, but it was muted. She had been debating on whether or not to call JJ. Emily hated asking for help, and she felt bad when she called and took JJ's time with Henry and Will away.

She needed her best friend right now, someone who wouldn't coddle her and treat her like an invalid, but someone that would tell her the truth.

So, even though it was later than Emily would normally call, she found herself picking up the phone and dialing the familiar number. She couldn't help but bite her nails as she waited for JJ to answer.

"_You okay?"_ JJ asked a few seconds later.

"Hello to you too," Emily smirked.

"_Sorry, I've just been so worried about you guys. How are you?_" JJ asked sympathetically.

Emily blew out a breath, a sure sign that she was about to say she was fine when she wasn't. "We're okay." Emily said.

"_If that was true, you wouldn't have called me at midnight._" JJ pointed out.

Emily sighed again as she moved to lie down on the couch. "I don't know." She said honestly. "One minute I feel awful for him, and then the next I'm mad at him, which is ridiculous. He didn't do any of this on purpose. I'm scared for what comes after this, about the future. I'm worried for the kids. Especially Declan. He's taking this harder than he's willing to admit and I haven't been able to get him to talk to me today." Emily admitted, trying not to cry. She was already so sick of crying.

"_I'm not going to lie to you and say this is going to be easy, or that everything will be good again soon. But I know you, and I know Hotch. You guys are so good together, it's gonna work out, that much I can promise._" JJ told her.

"I don't know. I feel...like this is my fault." Emily confided, he hadn't said that out loud to anyone yet. She hadn't planned to either, so she was surprised when she'd accidentally let it slip.

"_Em, this is in no way your fault. You can't carry that around with you, doing this is going to be hard enough without trying to pin the blame on somebody_." JJ encouraged, the empathy clear in her tone.

"No, JJ, I'm not looking for someone to blame. I- we, we got in a fight before the accident," Emily said, hearing her voice crack no matter how hard she tried to stay calm. "I was mad at him-furious, really-because he missed Declan's birthday on that last case. He just- forgot all about it. Even though I reminded him over and over and he promised he would be here. And I probably wouldn't have been so mad if this was the first time he promised to be here and he wasn't; or if he'd called all weekend. But he didn't. I didn't hear from him. When I told the boys he wouldn't be home, they didn't even seem fazed. It's gotten to the point that they're not even upset when he breaks a promise, that's just- not right. I know Declan's fifteen and would act that way anyway, but Jack usually gets upset…" Emily trailed off for a moment, before she took a breath to calm herself down and continue, "And I guess I just had a lot of bitterness just building up and that was the last straw- because I was just so mad at him and I hung up on him! I don't remember what I said or what he said, but I remember hanging up on him and the next thing I knew, everything was going wrong! He wasn't supposed to have been in a car accident, he wasn't supposed to be in a coma, and he sure as hell wasn't supposed to lose four years of his memory!" Emily said, trying to keep her voice down but no longer concerned with keeping her tears at bay.

"_This isn't your fault. You had no way of knowing what was going to happen. You know that. You can't beat yourself up about that_." JJ said, her voice slow and even. Emily knew she was right, but she hadn't had a chance to voice her concerns to anyone yet. She hadn't even told anyone she and Hotch were in a tough spot until now.

"It's kind of hard not to. He left me a voicemail, and not long after, he's in a coma. I probably distracted him or something. It's my fault one of our children is suffering because his father doesn't remember him. It's my fault that when he saw Layla this afternoon, he looked like he'd seen a ghost. It's my fault that he tensed when Jack called me Mom. I get that we aren't exactly a traditional family, and all of this kind of happened relatively quickly, but it worked for us. And now I don't know what we have, if we have anything at all anymore." Emily finished.

"_Please don't blame yourself, Em. All couples have hard times. And it really sucks that this had to happen to you guys right now, but you still have each other. You've both always been really good at reading each other, even before you got together_." JJ said encouragingly.

"I just- I'm scared of losing him. I love him, but he doesn't remember loving me, or the family we have together. I never in a million years thought I'd have a family, and now I do- or I did, anyway." Emily said, feeling like she was rambling on and not making any sense.

"_You still do, even if Hotch didn't remember his own name, that wouldn't take your family away. If you need anything at all, at any time don't hesitate to call me, or Garcia, or anyone would be more than willing to help. Don't try to get through this all on your own._" JJ said seriously.

"I promise I'll call someone if any of us need anything." Emily replied. She told herself it was just to make JJ stop worrying, but Emily knew this probably wouldn't be the last late night call she made to her best friend.

"_Thank you. Now why don't you go get some sleep? I know you have to be up in a few hours anyway." _JJ instructed.

"Yes, Mother." Emily joked with a smile.

"_Don't sass me, young lady." _JJ joked back, as they said their goodbyes and ended the call.

Emily got up from the couch and slowly made her way up the stairs, checking on each of the kids before she went into the bedroom. She quietly shut the door behind her and flipped the light on. She wished she could take JJ's advice and get a good night's sleep for once, but Emily knew she wouldn't be getting much sleep. She went into the closet she and Hotch shared and dug out four large photo albums. Over the years, Emily had been adamant about taking pictures and putting them in albums, she'd never had much of use for one before until she adopted Declan and later married Hotch. She carried the photo albums over to the bed and laid them out and getting in bed herself.

She spent the rest of the night going through every album, staring at every picture as if it was the first and last time she'd ever get to see it. She marked some, such as wedding pictures and pictures from holidays, to show Hotch someday soon. Emily hoped he would let her try and help him get his memory back. Emily didn't even realize she'd started to cry until she noticed a tear hit the page she was on. They were all random pictures of different events, but in each picture Hotch looked happy. There was a picture of her and Hotch that Declan had taken, Emily was laughing at the funny face Hotch was making. Neither one of them had known about the picture until after Declan had taken it. Along with that picture, there was one of Hotch with Layla that Emily had taken during the baby's first week home. He looked so happy and proud with her.

Also on the page, were pictures of Hotch with Jack and Declan individually. Emily couldn't place what the occasion was, but Hotch and Jack were sitting at the table in the kitchen absolutely covered in what looked like cake batter. She wiped her tears and managed a laugh; she wished she had captioned the pictures. The last picture was with Hotch and Declan, both of them sitting at the piano Emily had bought not long ago. Declan was practicing like he did every day, and Hotch was learning. Trying to learn might have been a better descriptor, Emily thought as she remembered Hotch's many mistakes.

Emily didn't stop looking through pictures until she had gone through all the albums, marking as many pictures as she could in hopes Hotch would want to go through them with her. She wished she'd realized it sooner, but she'd taken their life for granted. She had let herself get so caught up in what was wrong, that she didn't take time to appreciate what was right. Despite his flaws, Hotch was a wonderful father, and a great husband. Emily cursed herself as she sat the albums on the ground, pushing them under the bed and falling back into bed. She wished more than anything for things to be normal again.

Two long, tiring, stressful days later, Hotch was set to be released from the hospital. Emily found herself dreading it, though, as she drove to the hospital, trusting Declan with the younger two for that long. Despite Declan's promise, Emily hadn't been able to get Declan to come see Hotch at the hospital. However, she also couldn't keep Jack away from him. Jack wanted to be there from the time he got out of school until dinner time, and Emily felt obligated to stay with him. Between toting Jack back and forth and dealing with a two-year-old, Emily hadn't got much of a chance to talk to Declan at all. She knew she needed to, he wasn't acting like himself.

The previous day, Emily had discussed with Hotch what his plans were when he left the hospital. He seemed a bit reluctant, but had eventually agreed to come back home. Emily knew it was because he didn't have any other options, but she sensed if he had, he would have gone there. That made her feel uneasy, what if he just couldn't get back into the normal routine? What if, God forbid, he decided to just leave? Emily tried not to think about it as she parked her car and made the familiar, but hopefully last, journey through the hospital and up to Hotch's room.

He was dressed in regular clothing finally, a pair of jeans and a plain grey t-shirt that Emily had brought him. She'd tried to find him something more comfortable, but she swore Hotch didn't own a single pair of sweatpants.

"Hi." Emily said quietly as she entered the room.

"Hey," Hotch replied with a forced smile.

Emily had a few papers to sign, but after that, an orderly helped Hotch into a wheelchair, and pushed him out of the hospital with Emily by her side. Ordinarily, Emily probably would have pushed the wheelchair herself, but she given the circumstances, she let the hospital personnel take care of it.

However when they got to the car, Emily helped get Hotch into the front seat. She felt him tense at her touch, and she almost wanted to cry. She didn't, though, and saved her tears for another time. Without a word, she got into the driver's seat, thanked the orderly, and drove off.

As fate would have it, they were stopped by every single traffic light they came to, only adding to the awkward silence that filled the car. Emily drummed her fingers on the steering wheel, impatiently waiting for the final traffic light that separated them from the final stretch home to turn green. Still not a word was spoken as the light finally turned, and Emily was pulling into the driveway in a matter of minutes.

"This is your… our- house?" Hotch asked.

"Yeah, home sweet home." Emily replied, trying to sound as happy as she could. The two carefully made their way inside, Emily instinctively putting a hand on Hotch's arm to help him. He tensed again, but didn't protest, so Emily didn't move her hand.

"We're home!" Emily announced as she opened the door and helped Hotch inside, closing the door behind her. Hotch looked around, taking everything in, trying to remember this being his home.

He was interrupted by the sound of footsteps running downstairs into the living room.

"Dad!" Jack said excitedly as he practically attack hugged Hotch.

"Jack, be careful, okay? He's probably still sore." Emily chastised.

"He's fine." Hotch said firmly.

Emily bit her lip but decided not to think much of his tone. "Where are Declan and Layla?" she asked Jack.

"They're upstairs." Jack said before leading Hotch by the hand into the living room, talking a thousand miles a minute. Emily couldn't stop herself from smiling at how happy Jack was. She then went up the stairs to find Declan and Layla, who she found in Layla's nursery.

"Hey," Emily said as she approached the door that was slightly ajar. "Can I come in?" she asked, hearing approval from Declan and pushing the door the rest of the way open and entered the room.

"Mommy!" Layla exclaimed happily, completely losing interest in the book Declan was reading to her as he sat with her in the rocking chair.

"Hey, pretty girl." Emily said as she easily picked the girl up from Declan's lap and kissed her head. "Were you and Declan reading?"

"No." Layla replied as Emily laughed. Lately, that was Layla's response to everything. Even if she meant yes, she was going to say no. Sometimes, like now when Emily was stressing, it was adorable. However sometimes Emily really wished Layla would respond with something else.

"You okay?" Emily asked Declan, who hadn't moved from the chair yet.

Declan shrugged. "I guess."

Emily frowned as she bounced Layla on her hip. "Do you want to talk about it?" Another shrug, "Declan," Emily sighed, "You can tell me." She said seriously.

"I know." Declan told her as he looked up at her.

"I'm just worried." Emily admitted.

"Don't be, I promise I'll talk to you about it later, okay?" Declan told her.

"Okay," Emily agreed. "Your dad's downstairs, are you going to go see him?" Emily asked.

"He's not my dad. I'm going to bed, goodnight Mom." Declan said softly as he stood from the chair.

"Hey, hey," Emily said before he left the room. "He's just as much your dad as Jack and Layla's, you know that. But if you don't want to go down there right now, I'm not going to make you. Now come here and hug me before you leave." Emily instructed as Declan smiled and turned around, making his way back over to Emily and hugging her as best as he could, since she was still holding Layla. "I love you, you know." Emily added.

"I know, I love you too." Declan said as he left the room and went into his own. Emily sighed, knowing she needed to make time for Declan tomorrow, no matter what.

"Well little miss," Emily said to the toddler in her arms. "Do you want to go see your Daddy?" Emily asked.

"Daddy!" Layla cheered as Emily took her down the stairs, Layla chanting the entire time.

"Someone wants to see you, if that's okay." Emily said as she walked into the living room.

"Sure, that's okay." Hotch said as Emily put Layla down on the ground. The toddler ran just as fast as she could over to Hotch, flinging herself into his arms. Normally, the sight would have made Emily smile, but Hotch looked like he didn't know what to do.

"Sorry," she said quickly. "She's just missed you."

"Don't apologize, Emily. It's okay." Hotch said as he picked the girl up and sat her in his lap, not once looking her in the eye.

The rest of the day was filled with just as much tension and silence. Emily wished she knew how to stop it, but she didn't. Hotch asked about Declan, and Emily just told him Declan wasn't feeling well and had gone to bed for the day. She could tell Hotch didn't believe her though.

That night at dinner, they all sat down at the table, minus Declan who said he wasn't hungry. Jack was the only one making much conversation and he only cared about talking to Hotch. Emily was thankful for that, because without Jack, there wouldn't have been much conversation at all, and Emily was already tired of silence. Hotch offered to help Emily clean up after dinner, but she politely declined, she needed that time to herself. She did the dishes in record time, since normally Jack or Layla were insistent on "helping," and thereby making a bigger mess. She fixed a plate for Declan and took it upstairs, not wanting him to go hungry all night.

A few hours later, everyone was finally asleep except for herself and Hotch. Emily hadn't even thought about sleeping arrangements until now. Truthfully, she wanted to pass out in her bed and not wake up for a week. But she knew Hotch wouldn't want to sleep in the same bed as her, and she wasn't going to let him sleep on the couch after having been in the hospital for so long. So, she went and found Hotch who was sitting in the living room, the television on, but Emily could tell he wasn't paying attention.

"You can sleep in the bed tonight. I can sleep on the couch." Emily said, not sure how else to bring up the topic.

"I don't want to take your bed from you." Hotch replied.

"It's fine, really. I don't mind." Emily assured him. Hotch nodded, and rose from the couch and went upstairs, Emily following only to change into pajamas get a blanket, a pillow, and to brush her teeth before turning in for the night. On her way out the bedroom door, she grabbed Layla's baby monitor to take downstairs with her. Layla only woke up very rarely these days, and had been pretty good about sleeping through the night, but Emily wanted it with her just in case.

"You can trust me with her, Emily. I'm not going to hurt her." Hotch said when he noticed what she was doing. She hadn't even realized he'd come into the room, and his voice startled her.

"I do trust you. I just don't want you to have to get up. You haven't slept in our bed in weeks." Emily defended.

"Okay, I'm really sorry about this, I wish I could remember." Hotch said softly.

"Goodnight, Aaron." Emily said before slipping out of the room and back down the stairs, prepared to cry herself to sleep yet another night.


	8. Chapter 8

**Thank you guys so much for all your sweet reviews, I read them all and always mean to thank you personally. Just know I smile every time I read one and it only makes me want to write more! Hope you guys had a wonderful holiday! **

The next morning, Emily woke up earlier than normal. As she sat up, her body screamed at her for sleeping on the couch.

She forced herself up off the uncomfortable piece of furniture and went up the stairs as quietly as she could. It wasn't even 6am yet, and none of the kids got up before 7 normally; but Emily felt the need to check on the three of them anyway. Before she did, though, she opened the door to what was once the bedroom she and Hotch shared. He was sound asleep, and Emily smiled despite everything; at least he was able to sleep well, she thought.

Jack and Layla were also sound asleep in their beds, but when Emily got to Declan's room, she found the door already open and the boy already awake. He was sitting up on the bed, still under the blankets with his laptop on his lap.

"Can I come in?" Emily whispered as they made eye contact. Declan nodded and Emily entered the room, softly closing the door behind her. She sat down next to Declan on the bed.

"You're up early. What's up?" Emily asked. Declan just shrugged, never taking his eyes from his computer screen.

"You have to talk to me at some point, Dec. I feel like I haven't seen you in days." Emily informed him.

Declan sighed, closing the laptop and setting it to the side. "What do you want me to say, Mom?" Declan asked, seeming annoyed.

"I just want you to be honest with me. I know you're upset by all this but you haven't really talked to me about it." Emily told him.

"Yeah, I am upset. First my biological dad turns out to be a terrorist, but you got me away from him. Then Louise and Tom raised me, but I rarely ever saw Tom. He didn't feel like a dad. And then I watched both my biological parents die in the same night. But then you adopted me, and married Aaron, and for the first time I finally felt like I had a real family. I know lately he hasn't been around, but when he was around it wasn't weird. He just...accepted me as his own kid without question, just like you did. But he doesn't even remember me. He may never remember me, and that sucks. It sucks for all of us, really. Except Jack I guess." Declan said finally, looking down at his hands as he picked at the edge of his comforter.

"I know this is hard, honey. It's hard for me, too. But you haven't spoken to him since he woke up. I'm not going to force you to, but we need to try to keep things as normal as we can, it could help him get his memory back. Just think about it." Emily offered.

Declan just shrugged. "Do I have to call him Dad?"

"Not if you don't feel comfortable doing so." Emily assured him with a hand to his shoulder.

Neither one of them spoke for a few minutes, but Declan didn't seem to be in a hurry for Emily to leave, so she sat next to him until she heard Layla stirring in the next room over.

"I'll be right back." Emily promised as she rose from her spot on the bed, ruffling Declan's hair before giving him a soft smile and exiting the room. She quietly slipped into Layla's bedroom where the toddler was crying.

"What's wrong, pretty girl?" Emily asked, not really expecting an answer, as she picked Layla up. Layla just continued to fuss, even as Emily tried various methods of calming the little girl down such as rocking her, changing her, and singing to her, but nothing seemed to work. Emily frowned, putting a hand to Layla's forehead. She was alarmed at the heat she could feel radiating from the toddler's skin.

"It's okay, sweetie." Emily soothed as she carried Layla down the stairs and into the kitchen. She flipped the light on and skillfully went over to the drawer she kept the thermometer in while holding a still crying and fussing toddler. She took the thermometer out of the drawer and sat down at one of the chairs by the bar, sitting Layla in her lap. Emily stuck the thermometer in Layla's ear and waited for it to beep. It felt like forever but it was really only a few seconds. The thermometer read 102.

"Oh honey, you must feel terrible. Does anything hurt?" Emily asked since Layla had calmed down a bit since Emily had sat her in her lap.

"Mommy I hurt." Layla said quietly as she laid her head on Emily's shoulder.

"Where, honey? Can you tell me?" Emily asked.

"Here." Layla said as she raised her head and pointed at her throat.

"Is that all?" Emily asked patiently, earning a slight nod from Layla.

Emily slowly stood up and sat Layla in her chair, as she got Layla some medicine for her symptoms and some juice in her favorite pink cup.

When Emily gave Layla the medicine, the little girl protested but eventually got tired of fighting and finally took it.

"That's my good girl. Now come here, you can lie on the couch and watch a movie or something." Emily said as she picked Layla up and took her into the living room, laying her on the couch and turning on a movie she knew Layla liked.

Just then, Emily heard two sets of footsteps bounding down the stairs. She glanced at the clock, noting it was the same time she normally went upstairs to make sure the boys were awake.

"Is the world ending?" Emily joked. "You're both up without me having to push you out of bed?"

"We heard Layla and figured you were busy." Declan shrugged.

"Yeah, she's got a fever and a sore throat. It's probably some kind of virus, but she can't go to daycare today with her fever." Emily informed them.

"Want us to just get some cereal?" Declan asked, knowing a sick two year old naturally took priority.

"That would be so helpful, guys. I'll make you all a really good breakfast if she's feeling better tomorrow. I promise." Emily smiled.

"No problem. I'll get yours, Jack." Declan offered.

"Could you do me a favor, Jack?" Emily asked before Jack followed Declan into the kitchen.

"Sure, Mom. What is it?" He wondered.

"Can you go in the bathroom and get a cold washcloth for Layla's forehead? Not too cold, but not too hot either." Emily instructed.

"Okay!" Jack agreed happily, disappearing down the hall and into the bathroom.

"You have such good big brothers, little bug." Emily told Layla, who was just lying on the couch looking sicker and paler than before. Emily tried not to worry too much as she sat down next to Layla on the couch just as Jack returned with the cloth.

"Is that okay?" Jack asked.

"It's perfect, honey. Go eat your breakfast then get dressed for school, okay?"

"You got it!" Jack said, saluting his mother and abruptly turning and marching off to the kitchen. Emily couldn't help but smile.

"Okay, this should bring your fever down and make you start feeling a little better." Emily said as she folded the washcloth up and gently placed it on Layla's forehead, brushing Layla's dark curls from her face.

She sat with the little girl for a few minutes, nearly jumping out of her skin when the sound of the telephone ringing echoed through the house.

"It's for you!" Jack said happily as blue brought the phone into the living room to his mother.

"Did they say who it was?" Emily asked.

"It's your work." Jack said as he bounded back up the stairs to get ready for school.

Emily wondered what they needed from her as she held the phone up to her ear. Things had been crazy around the house, but still Emily was managing to get some work done. She had as much time off as she needed; the director had told her so. She felt uneasy as she spoke.

"Hello?" Emily asked.

"Emily, I'm so sorry to call so early, but you have to come in today." The familiar voice of Shane Hanson, the leader of the team she normally worked with said.

"Sir, I'm sure my circumstances have been relayed to you. I can't come in right now." Emily said. There was no way she was leaving Layla today.

"I know, it won't be all day. There's just someone coming in who speaks Arabic to help us on a case. You're the best translator we have for Arabic. We need you today." Shane continued, practically begging her.

Emily contemplated it for a few minutes, realizing that since she'd started the conversation on the phone, Hotch had come downstairs and was trying to get her attention.

"Um..." Emily said as she looked up to see him mouth "I can watch her."

It wasn't that Emily didn't trust him with their daughter; she was just worried for how he would react to her, especially if Emily wasn't there too. She was afraid he would act differently and upset Layla, who just couldn't understand what had happened to her father.

She gave in despite her concerns, knowing she couldn't keep Layla away from him forever. "When do you need me there?" She asked, biting her bottom lip.

"The woman you'll be translating for is coming in at 10, but I need you here at 9 to brief you on case details." Shane informed her.

"Okay. I can be there." Emily said, nodding as she ended the call with Shane. "How'd you know I was getting called in?" Emily asked Hotch.

"I heard you. I came downstairs just after Jack and Declan came up to get ready for school." Hotch said with a shrug.

"Oh. Well, thank you." Emily said with a forced smile.

"She's my daughter too." Hotch said as if he felt the need to remind Emily of the fact.

"I know..." Emily trailed off. "Will you go sit with her while I go get ready? I don't have much time since I need to drop Jack and Declan off and get to the office. I'll probably be late, though."

"Okay." Hotch said as he took Emily's place next to Layla. "Is she okay?"

"She's got a temperature of 102 and told me her throat hurts. And since I laid her down she hasn't moved or spoken at all." Emily said with worry.

"I'll watch her closely all day." Hotch promised.

"I know." Emily smiled again, though this time it wasn't forced as she ran up the stairs to get ready for work in record time, something she hadn't done in weeks.

Somehow, she managed to shower and be ready nearly exactly the same time she normally left to take Declan and Jack to school. She called for them to come downstairs as she went down to talk to Hotch before she left.

"My numbers are on the fridge should you need anything. Check her temperature again in two hours, and if she's still got a fever give her some more medicine. She takes a nap around 1, but she'll probably sleep a lot today. I might be back by then; I don't really know how long this will take." Emily said quickly. "Oh, and if she starts feeling better and wants to play, make sure you put the baby gate up by the stairs. She likes to play on them and she's not very careful." Emily added, glad she remembered to mention that.

"We'll be fine Emily, try not to worry too much." Hotch assured her.

"Okay... I'm sorry." Emily said as she turned away to tell Layla goodbye. "Mommy will be back in a little while, okay? You just get better." Emily said softy as she kissed Layla on the forehead.

"Bye bye." Layla said quietly. Emily smiled, just as Declan and Jack came downstairs. Hurriedly they left the house and got into the car. Emily couldn't seem to shake the uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach as she dropped the boys off at their respective schools, wishing them a good day, and drove off to work for the first time in weeks.

Hotch looked as Layla's eyelids fluttered open and closed, as if she was fighting off sleep. He wasn't sure what to do. He didn't know how Emily helped her fall asleep- or maybe how he had once helped the little girl to sleep. He wished he could remember her, she was beautiful. She looked exactly like Emily; yet Hotch could see himself in the little girl too.

He sat with Layla until her eyes finally closed and her breathing evened out. He smiled, she looked so peaceful. He gently moved the washcloth away from Layla's head and sat it on the coffee table in front of him. Then, he carefully placed the back of his head against Layla's forehead. She felt very warm and Hotch hoped she felt better soon.

Two hours later, Layla began to stir and Hotch decided to make her something for breakfast since Emily hadn't had time to make her anything before work. He knew she should eat before getting another dose of medicine, also. He didn't expect her to fully wake up until he got back, so he just quietly left her on the couch while he got up to go into the kitchen. He wasn't sure what to make, but after a few minutes of contemplation he decided on making her something easy to eat, like oatmeal. He always made it for Jack when he was sick, so maybe he had made it for Layla in the past too.

He had almost finished fixing the bowl of oatmeal when he heard a terrifying crash from the living room, resulting in a screaming, crying Layla.

He ran into the living room as fast as he could. He had forgotten to put up the baby gate at the bottom of the stairs when he left the room, but he honestly didn't expect Layla to get up and move around. He picked up the screaming child, cradling her gently. Her lip was bleeding slightly, he noted.

"It's okay, sweetheart. Did you fall down the stairs?" Hotch asked. It was then he noticed the pink blanket at his feet. He realized Layla must have gone upstairs to get the blanket, but had fallen on the way back down. Hotch went back into the kitchen where he got some ice for Layla's lip, but she fervently protested the idea.

Layla still hadn't stopped crying, and Hotch was worried something really might be wrong. He walked over to the couch and sat Layla down on his lap. He noticed she wouldn't move her left arm.

"Did you hurt your arm?" He asked. His only response was more screaming. Hotch grew even more worried that something was wrong. He gently tried to lift her arm up, to see if maybe she had just bruised it, but when Layla shrieked at the slightest touch, Hotch concluded it was probably broken. Without thought, he scooped up the blanket and carefully carried Layla out to the car. The doctor hadn't cleared him to drive yet, but he could not have cared less about that as he strapped Layla into the car seat in the back of his SUV. He drove to the hospital at record speed, rushing Layla into the front doors as he begged for help. The doctors took Layla back for x rays, and Hotch wasn't allowed back until he filled out the paperwork. He didn't know how to answer most of the questions and he knew he had to call Emily. Reaching into his pocket, he grabbed his cell phone and searched for Emily in his contacts, tapping her name and sending the call.

"Aaron? Is everything alright?" Emily asked as soon as she picked up the phone.

"Not exactly... Layla fell down the stairs. I think she broke her arm." Hotch admitted, as he prepared for Emily's reaction, bracing for the worst.


	9. Chapter 9

**Thank you guys so much for your interest in this story! I adore each and every one of you! **

"What?!" Emily asked, alarmed.

"Layla... I left her on the couch to go make her something to eat, and I guess she went upstairs to get her blanket and she fell on the way down." Hotch explained regretfully.

"Did you put the baby gate up?" Emily asked, trying to remain calm, but Hotch could tell she was angry.

"I- I guess I forgot. I didn't even think she'd get up from the couch. I wasn't even gone that long." Hotch defended himself.

Emily sighed. "That doesn't matter, I always put the gate up regardless, she's just not careful enough to go up and down the stairs by herself. Where are you?" Emily asked. Hotch told her the name of the hospital and Emily hung up seconds later. He hated that he had messed up and that Layla had gotten hurt. He knew Emily was mad at him, and it was only a matter of time before she showed it.

Hotch sighed, having signed paperwork, leaving many blanks he knew he should know, but that Emily would have to fill in when she arrived. Hotch was allowed to go back and see Layla now, thankfully. She was sitting on a bed crying as a nurse tried to comfort her.

"Hey, honey. You okay?" Hotch asked softly as he sat in a chair next to Layla's bed.

"Her arm is broken, so she'll be getting a cast soon. It was a clean break. She's being very brave though, aren't you Layla?" The nurse asked her.

"Where's Mommy?" Layla asked, looking around frantically.

"She's on her way." Hotch tried soothing. Despite his efforts, Layla just continued to cry and ask for Emily. Hotch wasn't sure if Layla was actually afraid of him, or if she was just simply being a two year old and wanting the parent she couldn't have at that moment.

At that moment, the doctor came by to put Layla's cast on.

"I'm going to have to put this on your arm," the petite redhead explained. "It'll make you feel better. What color would you like it to be?" She asked- referring to the colorful gauze she would wrap around the plaster.

"Mommy?" Layla said again, ignoring the doctor completely.

"She's on her way." Hotch promised, wishing he could do more for his daughter.

Layla fussed and cried the whole time the doctor put the cast on her arm, only calming down slightly when the nurse showed her all the different colored gauzes for the cast. Layla chose pink.

Just a few minutes later, Emily burst through the doors. Instantly, Layla reached for her as best she could.

"Hey sweet girl, it's okay." Emily soothed as she sat next to Layla on the bed.

"Mommy, my arm hurts." Layla told her sadly, pointing to the cast on her arm.

"Yeah, it's broken. But it'll get better soon." Emily promised with a kiss to Layla's forehead.

"How long will she have to wear that?" Emily asked the doctor.

"Four to six weeks. However I would like her to come back every two weeks so I can check on the cast and the break." The doctor informed her. "Also, just make sure you don't get the cast wet." She added.

Emily nodded. "Okay, thank you. See you in two weeks." Emily said quickly.

"Actually, Mrs. Hotchner, you'll need to finish filling out some paperwork. But then you guys are free to leave."

Emily reluctantly moved off the bed, much to Layla's protest, to quickly scrawl the needed information down on the papers. Finally, everything was in order and they could leave. Emily carefully picked a very tired, very irritated Layla.

Without a word to Hotch, Emily strode past him and found her way out to the hospital, with Hotch trailing behind her. Layla, who was now just content to be in her mother's arms, had calmed down significantly by the time they had made it back to the parking lot.

Only then did Emily turn to Hotch, knowing she couldn't ignore him forever.

"Can I have her car seat?" Emily asked.

"I can drive her home." Hotch offered.

"I'll do it; you're not even supposed to be driving right now. I'd prefer you I let me drive you, too, actually." Emily admitted. Despite whatever she felt towards him right now, she still cared about him.

"I'm fine, really. But I'll get you her car seat." Hotch agreed, abruptly turning around and heading back to the SUV. He got the car seat out of the back and took it back to Emily.

"At least let me put it in your car for you." Hotch said. Emily simply nodded, showing him to her little silver car. She stood a few feet away from him as he carefully strapped the car seat into the back of the car. Emily shifted Layla in her arms slightly, noting the paleness of her face and how her eyes seemed to droop.

She brought a hand to Layla's forehead, she still felt a bit feverish.

"Does your throat still hurt?" Emily asked. The little girl nodded, resting her head on Emily's shoulder.

"Go home." Layla whined quietly.

"We'll be there soon, okay?" Emily said soothingly, just as Hotch finished installing the car seat.

"Thanks..." Emily said awkwardly, moving to place Layla in the seat.

"See you at home?" Hotch asked.

Emily nodded again. "Are you sure you're okay to drive?" She asked again.

"I'm fine. I'll follow you." Hotch promised. Emily agreed reluctantly and got into the driver's seat of the car.

Layla fell asleep almost instantly, and Emily spent the drive home just thinking. She knew she shouldn't really blame Hotch for what happened, but she found herself doing it anyway. She'd gotten in trouble at work, but that was the least of her worries. Emily just hoped by the time she had to deal with Hotch alone that her anger had simmered down. She didn't want to be mad. Emily could tell he felt terrible. She sighed as she reached the house and pulled into the driveway, Hotch pulled in right behind her.

Carefully, Emily picked Layla up from the backseat. Even though she tried not to wake the toddler, Layla stirred in her arms and let out a whine.

"Mommy, we home?" Layla asked tiredly.

"We're home, sweetie." Emily confirmed. Layla responded by leaning as close to Emily as possible.

A few moments later, the three of them were inside the house. Emily immediately laid Layla on the couch, sitting next to her and stroking her hair softy.

"Do you need anything?" Hotch asked awkwardly.

Emily thought for a moment. "Do you mind getting me the thermometer? Emily asked.

Without a word, Hotch exited the living room and came back moments later with the thermometer and a cup of juice for Layla.

"Thanks." Emily said, taking them both from him and setting the juice cup on the coffee table. She took Layla's temperature, frowning when the result was 102, the same as it was this morning.

"Layla, do you feel different from this morning?" Emily asked. Layla shook her head. "Do you feel the same?" Emily asked. Layla nodded.

"Mommy it hurts." Layla whined, tears filling her eyes.

"Tell me where." Emily instructed, watching as Layla pointed to her arm, throat, and now her head. Emily hoped the still high fever and headache were from the stress of the day, and that Layla could just sleep it off.

"Are you hungry?" Emily asked, glad that Layla nodded her head.

"I want ice cream." Layla said seriously.

"You haven't had any breakfast or lunch yet, missy." Emily joked, tapping Layla on the nose lightly.

"Pretty please?" Layla asked sweetly.

"Well, you have had a pretty rough day. So I guess we can let it slide this one time." Emily said as she rose from the couch and went to put up the baby gate. She went into the kitchen to get Layla's ice cream, Hotch right on her heels.

"I'm sorry, Emily." Hotch said.

"Can we do this later? Layla needs to eat, even if it's just ice cream. And I'm gonna hope and pray Garcia can go pick up the boys from school because I don't want to leave Layla and you can't drive." Emily snapped.

"Okay..." Hotch said defeated as he slowly turned on his heel and disappeared into the living room again. Emily fixed the small bowl of chocolate ice cream and took it back to Layla, encouraging the girl to sit up and eat.

Hotch stayed nearby, and Emily wished he would go away.

Layla ate half the ice cream before handing the bowl back to Emily.

"Are you tired, little bug?" Emily asked.

Layla nodded. "Big bed." She muttered sleepily, meaning she wanted to sleep in Hotch and Emily's room.

"Okay, we'll sleep there." Emily agreed with a smile, taking the dirty bowl into the kitchen and setting it in the sink. She made a quick phone call to Garcia, and thanked God that she was able to pick up Declan and Jack that afternoon. Before she took the sleepy little girl upstairs, she took her temperature one last time. This time it read 101, so it was already coming down. Emily was thankful and let herself smile.

Emily picked Layla up and took her upstairs without another word, disappearing into the bedroom and shutting the door behind her. She laid Layla down on the bed, and lay next to her.

"Goodnight, honey." Emily said as she covered Layla up in the blankets.

Layla giggled weakly. "It's not night." She said matter-of-factly.

"Huh, guess you're right. Good nap, then." Emily said as she leaned back on the pillow. Layla fell asleep almost instantly, but sleep never came for Emily.

She couldn't stop thinking about Hotch. He was genuinely sorry, she could tell that. She knew what happened was just an accident, and it very easily could have happened if Emily herself had been watching Layla alone. But Emily couldn't shake the feeling of resentment she was building up for the man downstairs. She hated it, more than anything. She wished she wanted to run to him, to tell him it was okay and that she didn't blame him, but she didn't. That fact alone scared Emily to death. She had absolutely no idea what was going to happen next.

-

A few hours later, Emily glanced at the clock and noted it was almost time for the boys to be home. Layla was still sleeping, but fitfully and kept waking up every half hour or so.

As if Layla could read her mother's mind, she stirred and woke up with a whine for Emily.

"Hey, little bug. It's okay, I'm right here." Emily soothed, pulling Layla closer to her.

Layla started pulling at her cast and whining, wordlessly telling Emily she wanted it off.

"I know, it's uncomfortable; but it's going to make your arm better." Emily told the girl.

Layla sighed in defeat and snuggled closer to Emily.

"Your brothers will be home soon. Wanna go downstairs and wait for them?" Emily asked.

"Yeah!" Layla said excitedly, perking up from her previous saddened state quickly. Emily smiled, getting up out of bed and lifting Layla up gently. They made their way down the stairs and into the living room where the found Hotch watching TV. Layla squirmed to get down and Emily obliged the child. Layla went over to Hotch and tried to crawl into his lap, finding it difficult with her cast. Emily looked on as Hotch smiled and helped lift the girl into his lap.

"Hi Daddy!" Layla said happily, continuing on with one if her usual silly stories. Normally Emily would have found it adorable. However, Emily found herself uncomfortable and wanting to leave the room.

Ten minutes later, the front door flung open and Jack and Declan entered the house loudly, both of them tossing their backpacks on the floor by the hall closet.

"Hey!" Emily greeted warmly, hugging them both.

Both boys returned the greeting, but turned to Layla.

"Dad, is she okay?" Jack asked concernedly.

"She's okay, buddy. She broke her arm. That cast will heal it right up." Hotch explained.

"Okay." Jack said, just needing to hear the story from a parent. Without skipping a beat, he began to tell his father all about his day. Declan shortly excused himself to his room, and Emily found herself awkwardly standing in the living room again. She decided on starting dinner, just to give herself something to do.

-

The rest of the afternoon consisted of Emily cooking spaghetti, checking Layla's temperature obsessively until it reached normal, and avoiding Hotch as best she could. Dinner was saved by Jack and Layla, who made sure there was no room for silence. With dinner out of the way, Emily gave Layla a bath while Hotch helped Jack with his homework.

Emily found bath time difficult, since she couldn't let Layla get her cast wet. The affair took twice as long as it should have. Finally, the girl was bathed and had pajamas on.

Emily was just about to put Layla down in her crib when Layla spoke up.

"No Mommy! Big bed." Layla said.

"Honey... Why don't you sleep in your bed tonight?" She asked. She planned on sleeping on the couch again.

"No! Please?" Layla asked sweetly. Emily sighed, knowing there was no way out of this.

"Okay, you win. You can sleep in the big bed tonight." Emily told the girl who cheered like it was Christmas morning.

"Let's go tell your brothers goodnight." Emily said as she brought Layla down the stairs and into the living room where the rest of the family was gathered.

"Daddy I sleep in the big bed!" Layla exclaimed happily.

Hotch looked to Emily, asking without words if that was okay.

"She'll be between us." Emily said simply. Hotch nodded.

"Say goodnight to Jack and Declan." Emily instructed as she let Layla down. The toddler walked over to Jack who was sitting next to Hotch on the couch as told him goodnight, and then went over to Declan who had ventured out of his room to do homework in the living room. Emily should have been happy to see Declan less angry and working on trying to get back to normal with Hotch. But truthfully, Emily just wanted someone else to feel like she felt, as selfish as it sounded.

Emily snapped out of her thoughts when Layla ran back over to her and crashed into her legs. Emily picked her up again.

"Jack, are you all done with your homework?" Emily asked.

"Yep!" Jack answered proudly.

"Okay, go on and take your shower and go to bed." Emily instructed.

Jack rose from the couch and headed upstairs, hugging Hotch and Emily goodnight before bounding up the stairs and doing as he was told.

"Not too late, okay Dec?" Emily said to the blonde boy across the room.

"Okay." Declan agreed, Emily bid him goodnight and went upstairs, Hotch following her.

They went into the bedroom, and Emily laid Layla down in the middle of the bed, lying on one side of her while Hotch took the other.

"Night Mommy, night Daddy." Layla said as she got comfortable and fell asleep within minutes. Emily hoped she slept better than she had that afternoon.

-

Emily fought the urge to toss and turn for hours. No matter what she did, sleep just didn't come. Emily glanced over, noting Hotch and Layla were both sound asleep. Emily carefully got out of bed and placed pillows around Layla on her side, so Layla wouldn't fall out of bed.

She went downstairs, not really sure what she was doing. She wished she could get ahold of her emotions. Things would never get better if Emily was going to act like this every time something went wrong.

Emily jumped at the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs. She spun around, sighing when she saw Hotch.

"I put pillows around her, she won't fall." Hotch assured her.

"I thought you were asleep." Emily said flatly, rocking on her heels and crossing her arms.

"No. I couldn't sleep. We have to talk, you know..." Hotch said.

"About?" Emily asked with a raise of her eyebrow.

"Emily, come on. You've been ignoring me all day. I said I was sorry, and believe me, I am. I'd never intentionally hurt her. It was an accident." Hotch said.

"I know that." Emily spat.

"Then what's your deal?" Hotch asked. Emily felt nothing but heat and saw nothing but red.

"My deal? I had to leave my sick daughter at home. She broke her arm. Her father doesn't remember her. Declan walks on eggshells around you because he's afraid he won't get you back. And I-" Emily cut herself off. No, no. She wasn't going to make this about her feelings. "I almost lost my job today. I am two seconds from being fired. And the worst part? I don't care. But I can't quit my job because we need a source of income. And God knows when you can go back." Emily said, instantly regretting that last bit.

"Sorry if I'm a burden..." Hotch said bitterly.

"That's not what I meant. We have three children. And sure, I have money put away from my mother, but I'd like to keep that put away for the kid's college, or for them to have after we're gone." Emily explained.

"If you want to quit your job, feel free. We can make it work somehow." Hotch said.

"You know, if you'd just retired when you said you would, none of this would have happened!" Emily yelled, storming off and brushing past Hotch in her quick attempt to get back upstairs. She felt hot tears welling in her eyes as she went back into the bedroom. She carefully moved the pillows back and slid back into bed. She refused to let herself cry and possibly wake Layla up. So instead, Emily endured yet another sleepless night.


	10. Chapter 10

**Thank you guys so much for your kind words and interest! It really means so much to me, I'm obsessed with this little alternate universe and I'm glad you are all enjoying it too! **

The night went by slowly for Emily, the hours dragging on. She hardly got any sleep, and when she did manage to dose off she found herself jolting awake. Hotch never came back upstairs and Emily was actually thankful for that. She hadn't meant to snap at Hotch like she had done, or try to make him feel guilty. But there was only so much she could take, and she had reached her breaking point. She only hoped she would be able to distract herself enough today to avoid Hotch altogether.

Just a few minutes later, just as Emily was about to doze off, she felt Layla stir next to her. Emily turned her attention to the little brunette, who was sitting up now, already pulling at her cast.

"Hey," Emily greeted warmly. "Don't mess with your cast, okay?" She reminded the toddler.

"Take it off." Layla whined.

"No, you have to keep it on for a while longer." Emily said with a sigh, knowing it'd be weeks before Layla could get the cast off.

"It itches." Layla complained.

"I know," Emily sympathized as she carefully pulled Layla into her lap. "Are you hungry?" Emily asked, changing the subject. Layla nodded slightly.

"Does your throat still hurt?" Emily asked, getting another nod from Layla.

Emily felt Layla's forehead, thankful she didn't feel feverish again. "Well, Miss Layla, do you want some cereal?" Emily questioned.

"Okay," Layla agreed. "Where's Daddy?" She wondered, apparently already forgetting about her cast.

Emily bit her lip. She wouldn't willingly keep Layla from Hotch, of course, but she wished she didn't have to see him right now. "He's downstairs." Emily answered finally.

"What're we waiting for?" Layla asked as she tried to jump off the bed, but Emily grabbed her just in time.

"One broken bone is enough for you right now!" Emily told her as Layla laughed. At least she was feeling better.

Before they made their way downstairs, Emily got herself and Layla ready for the day. Then, she took Layla down to her father, letting Layla down at the bottom of the stairs and watching her walk over to Hotch who was sitting on the couch. He greeted the little girl cheerfully, smiling and carefully pulling her into his lap. He happily listened to her go on about something Emily couldn't quite make out from the foot of the stairs.

Quietly, Emily dashed into the kitchen to get Layla's breakfast. She heard Hotch laugh lightly at something Layla said. Normally, this would have made Emily feel happy and safe; like she was home. But she didn't feel that, and she hated it. Emily sighed, running through her messy hair. She was glad she hadn't returned to work full time yet, because she knew today she wouldn't be able to handle it.

Emily turned back toward the living room where Hotch and Layla still were and stood in the doorway.

"Layla, you have cereal in here." Emily told her, hoping Hotch wouldn't talk to her.

"Okay." Layla agreed happily, sliding off of Hotch's lap and following her mother into the kitchen. Emily sat with Layla while the little girl ate, not wanting to leave her. Emily knew it was extremely irrational to not trust Hotch with Layla, but Emily didn't seem to care.

Emily decided if JJ was free, she and Layla were going to go visit her for lunch. She needed to talk to JJ. In the midst of the crazy, Emily hadn't spoken to her in a few days.

Emily glanced at the clock, noticing she needed to go wake the boys up for school.

"Wanna come wake your brothers up with me?" Emily asked the two year old, who had stopped eating the cereal and had taken to stacking each piece on top of the other.

Layla nodded eagerly as Emily helped her out of the chair and took her up the stairs again and into Jack's bedroom. The two of them successfully managed to get both Jack and Declan up and getting ready for school. While they were getting ready, Emily took Layla downstairs to make breakfast for the rest of the family. That morning, it seemed as Hotch was simply in the background. Jack and Declan both greeted him good morning and told him goodbye before they left for school. But Emily didn't let him help with anything, and normally their mornings were a team effort.

Emily even brought Layla with her to drop the boys off at school that morning, even though she didn't have to. She felt bad for leaving Hotch there alone, but she figured they could work it out later.

However Hotch was ready to talk as soon as Emily and Layla walked in the door that morning. He was sitting on the couch, already dressed and ready for the day.

"Hi." Emily spoke to him for the first time that day.

"Hi," Hotch returned the greeting, sitting uncomfortably. After a beat, he continued. "So, is this how it's going to be between us from now on?"

"What do you mean?" Emily asked as she put Layla down on the ground, watching as she toddled off to play with her toys scattered in the living room.

"I mean you ignoring me. Was it always like this?" Hotch asked.

Emily bit her lip, moving across the room to put the baby gate up at the foot of the stairs. "I'm not ignoring you. I just- I don't know what to do. I don't know where to go from here." Emily admitted as she shuffled her feet on the floor.

"Well, neither do I. But I do know you ignoring my existence and just letting me sit in the background and watch you do everything isn't the way to fix whatever it was we had." Hotch told her.

"You don't need my permission to help me take care of our children." Emily argued, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Apparently I do, because you hardly let me look at Layla without tensing up. I understand you're upset with me for what happened to her arm, I'm upset with me too. But it's not just that, you insist on doing everything for Jack and Declan, too. They're older so they don't need as much help, but still. I can tell you're not comfortable with me around, Emily." Hotch said, sighing and running a hand across the top of his head.

"It's not that I'm uncomfortable..." Emily said. She could continue and go on about how much she loves him, how much she misses him. She should confess to him that she took him for granted, that she should be the one in his position right now. But she didn't.

"Then what is it?" Hotch pressed.

Emily pressed her lips together. "It's nothing, Hotch." She spat.

"I'm too tired to fight with you. Just tell me what you want me to do." Hotch practically begged her.

"Just give me some space!" Emily requested, her voice rising, startling Layla. Emily knew she needed to leave the room, so she allowed herself to trust Hotch with Layla while she retreated upstairs and into the bedroom.

Emily glanced at the clock, noting it was almost 9. JJ would be at work by now, probably up to her eyeballs in files. It wouldn't be fair to call her right now and bother her, but Emily needed her best friend right now. Her original plan had been to wait until later in the day to ask about lunch, since the beginning of JJ's workday was often the most busy, but Emily found herself reaching for her phone and dialing JJ's familiar phone number anyway.

"Jareau," JJ answered, Emily heard papers rusting in the background.

"Hi Jayje, this is a really bad time and I'm really sorry-"

"Emily? Are you okay?" JJ asked, her tone changing completely.

"I'm okay," Emily answered instantly. "Are you busy over lunch? Could Layla and I meet you somewhere? I just- I need to talk to you but not over the phone." Emily admitted.

"So you're not okay." JJ said. "I'm all yours around noon? We can meet at that little diner we sometimes went to if that's okay."

Emily sighed in relief. "If you're sure, that'd be great."

"Of course I'm sure, Em. I haven't heard from you in a while. You sound upset." JJ noted.

"I'm okay, Jayje. But I'll see you soon." Emily said.

The two of them ended their phone call, Emily glancing at the clock, noting there were still more than two hours until she would meet JJ. Emily didn't know what to do for those two hours, since she and Layla were already ready. Being home so much, Emily was caught up with most of the housework.

The brunette sighed, not really sure she could take two more awkward hours at home. After some internal debate, she decided to take Layla to the park for a few hours, since it was almost summer time and the weather was nice. Rising from the bed, Emily made her way back downstairs. Hotch was reading a book to Layla on the couch.

Emily waited for him to finish before she spoke up.

"Layla, do you want to come to the park with me and then go see Aunt JJ?" Emily asked.

"Yeah!" Layla agreed readily, practically leaping off of Hotch's lap and running over to Emily and hugging her legs.

"I take it I'm not invited, right?" Hotch asked as Emily picked Layla up and headed for the door. Stopping in her tracks, she spun around slowly.

"I didn't say you couldn't come." Emily said simply.

"But you don't want me to, do you?" Hotch pressed.

"I really don't want to do this right now, please. I just haven't seen JJ in a while and I'd like to. The weather is really nice today so I figured before we met with JJ we could go to the park for a little while. Don't make it personal." Emily argued, although she knew he had every reason to feel like she didn't want him to come along, because she truly didn't. She needed to talk to JJ about everything and hear what she had to say.

"Have a nice time." Hotch hugged as he stormed off and up the stairs, not bothering to move the baby gate and just simply step over it.

Emily sighed, grabbing Layla's bag on the way out the door. She wished they hadn't argued, even if only briefly, around Layla. She put the toddler in her car seat and got in the driver's seat. The drive to the park was quiet, and Emily hoped the small fight hadn't scared Layla too much.

"Are you okay?" Emily asked as she glanced into the rear view mirror.

"Are you mad?" Layla asked. Emily assumed she was referring to what happened between her and Hotch.

"No, honey, I'm not mad. I'm sorry you had to hear that, though." Emily said.

Layla seemed fine after that, and Emily once again wished she could be that resilient.

Emily pulled the car into the parking lot a few minutes later, taking Layla out of the car and locking the car behind her. For the next hour and a half, Emily felt herself calming down and relaxing as she played with Layla on the swings and helped her down the slide, obviously being very careful of Layla's cast. She hoped she would only start to feel better as the day went on. She was so tired of feeling the built up sadness, anger, and worry.

-

As promised, JJ met Emily and Layla at the familiar diner not too far from the BAU.

"Hi!" JJ greeted happily as she pulled Emily tightly in her arms. "I've been thinking about you guys so much." She said.

"I've been meaning to call you, but it's been kind of crazy." Emily replied.

"I'm just glad we could do this today." JJ smiled as she pulled away from Emily. Then she turned her attention to Layla, who was standing next to Emily. "Hi Miss Layla! How are you doing?" JJ asked as she bent down to the little girl's level.

"Hi Aunt JJ!" Layla greeted happily as JJ picked her up.

"How's your cast?" JJ asked.

"It's itchy!" Layla complained, although she was smiling.

"Jeez, Emily, has she grown in the last couple of weeks?" JJ asked.

"I think so, some of her clothes fit a little funny." Emily smiled.

The three of them found a table, getting a high chair for Layla. They made small talk as they ordered their food.

"So," JJ said finally. "What's up?"

Emily sighed. "I don't even know, JJ. I just- I'm sad and I'm angry and I'm taking it out on Aaron. I shouldn't be… he's so confused right now. And it's like part of me doesn't trust him anymore, because I feel like he's a completely different person. I know the man I love and married is in there somewhere, but what if I never find him again? We argue so much. I haven't even had the energy or the will to even try and help revive his memory." Emily admitted.

"You guys have been through a lot. You can't think like that, though. It's only been a couple days since he's been home. I know you guys fought before the accident. And I also know you're probably blaming yourself for all of this, but you can't do that, Em. Just try to let him in a little bit. Play with Layla with him, cook dinner together, or something." JJ offered.

"You're right. I'm being a total... B-I-T-C-H," Emily spelled out just in case Layla happened to be paying any sort of attention to the conversation as she scribbled in a little notebook Emily had given her. "I shouldn't blame him for what happened the other day, because it could have happened to me. It's so irrational and I know it's irrational. That just makes me angry at myself and I just snap." Emily said.

"It's okay, Em. Nobody expects this to be easy, or for you to just be happy and act like nothing happened. And I know you're glad he's okay. Maybe one weekend soon you guys could go on a date or something? Just out to dinner maybe." JJ suggested.

"We can try it. I'll try anything to get us back." Emily breathed, her voice barely above a whisper.

"And you will, Em." JJ assured her friend, reaching across the table to squeeze Emily's arm encouragingly. Emily said nothing, only fighting back tears and hoping JJ's talk and suggestions helped.


	11. Chapter 11

**Thank you guys so much for all your sweet reviews! I hope you enjoy this chapter : )**

Emily took her time getting back to the house, not exactly sure how to apply JJ's advice. Should she just ask him casually? Should she treat it like an actual first date?

She sighed; a five year marriage shouldn't be so difficult. She missed Hotch more than she knew was possible, even though he was home and safe. Emily couldn't make sense of it, and it frustrated her more than she could explain.

Glancing back in the rearview, she noticed Layla was sleeping soundly. She drove slowly around the block once, twice, three times. She wasn't exactly sure why she was so nervous, but she knew she was so tired of the tension.

Finally, Emily pulled into the driveway and parked the car. Carefully, she picked Layla up and took her inside. Hotch wasn't in the living room so she just took Layla upstairs and put her in her crib. She lingered awhile, watching the young girl sleep. Emily knew she couldn't hide out forever, so she wandered down the stairs, sure to bring the baby monitor with her in case Layla woke up. She still had time before heading out to pick up Declan and Jack, so she decided to be productive and tackle the heap of laundry that had accumulated over the past few days.

She was folding some clothes when she felt a presence behind her. She turned, facing Hotch. She wished he hadn't followed her down to the laundry room, and she hated she felt that way.

"Hi," she said softly, breaking the awkward silence.

"Hi," Hotch returned the greeting half-heartedly. "Did you have fun?" Hotch asked, leaning against the door frame.

"It was nice." Emily said quickly. She remembered JJ's advice, but she didn't know how to apply it. They needed alone time, JJ was right about that. But what if Hotch didn't want to? What if he didn't want to make the effort to try and regain his memory? Emily didn't want to think about that, she'd never be able to handle it.

"Good," Hotch replied quickly. "So um, I've been thinking-"

"Will you go out with me?" Emily blurted, cursing herself for being so blunt and interrupting Hotch's thought.

"What?" Hotch questioned, clearly taken aback by Emily's forwardness.

"I mean- would you maybe want to go to dinner with me? Without the kids? Maybe- maybe that'll help you remember…" Emily stumbled over her words, trying not to pick at her nails; they were finally starting to grow out again.

"Really?" Hotch asked, still a bit confused. "I thought you were about ready to kick me out or something."

"No, not at all. I'm sorry about how I've been acting. I know you haven't been home that long, so if you wanted to wait a few more days to get your strength back up that's fine, or even you even want to go at all. I don't know… just an idea." Emily rambled, feeling her face get warmer every breath.

"Okay… that sounds nice." Hotch agreed, looking a bit unsure.

"We could do it this weekend, maybe?" Emily offered, getting only a nod from Hotch.

Four days later, Emily and Hotch were getting ready for their date, though Emily felt weird calling it that. Declan had graciously offered to spend his Saturday night watching Jack and Layla, so there was nothing holding them back from their night out.

However, the past four days had been anything but easier; in fact Emily could swear they'd been harder. The tension between Hotch and Emily hadn't worn off at all, and Emily couldn't seem to figure out why. Maybe she was still angry at him, maybe she was just too caught up in her own feelings, or maybe it had something to do with the fact she couldn't recall the last time she'd had a good night's sleep.

On top of that, it seemed all three of their children were picking up on their parents' attitudes towards one another. Declan had spent the past few days at a friend's house after school, then coming home and going straight up to his room. Any progress he'd made trying to adjust to the major change had regressed in what seemed like a minute. Declan wouldn't talk much to Emily, and not at all to Hotch. Emily was at a loss of how to handle the sullen teen that was normally the most outgoing of them all.

Jack seemed conflicted, as if he wasn't sure what parent he was supposed to side with. When Emily would catch Hotch and Jack reading together on the couch, or out in the yard, Jack would suddenly stop the activity and leave the room. Emily hated that Jack felt that way; she wanted him to spend as much time with Hotch as possible. The last thing she wanted was for any of the three of them to feel like they couldn't spend time with Hotch.

Even Layla had started to react to the tension. She was much fussier than Emily could remember her ever being. Temper tantrums were becoming more and more common in the Hotchner household. Emily tried to chalk it up to Layla simply being a two year old, but Emily knew deep down her and Hotch's actions were affecting her. Emily and Hotch tried to remain civil to one another around the kids, but just the smallest thing would set one or the other of them off and start another fight. Emily still slept on the couch most nights if she even slept at all.

Needless to say, neither Emily nor Hotch were particularly thrilled to be spending an evening alone together. Neither one of them had called the date off, though, so Emily tried to take that as a good sign. Maybe for the first time in months things would start looking up.

Finally, Emily felt ready enough to venture downstairs as she straightened the red top she was wearing over her dark jeans. She spent the majority of her day debating on what to wear. Should she dress up? Should she keep it casual? She'd finally decided on simple attire, with black boots and her hair pulled back in a low pony tail. She'd almost let out an audible sigh of relief when she'd spotted Hotch going downstairs nearly an hour prior dressed in jeans and a simple polo shirt.

As she reached the bottom of the stairs, she smiled when she saw Declan, Jack, and Layla seated on the couch to see their parents off for the evening.

Hotch was there also, seated in the recliner across from the couch. He seemed irritated, but Emily tried to ignore it.

"Well, I guess we're ready." Emily forced a smile as she told the kids goodbye. "Declan, if anything happens-"

"I know where all the numbers are and who to call and where you'll be if you don't answer your phones. I got this." Declan laughed with a wave of his hand.

"Just making sure." Emily smiled softly as she and Hotch left for their evening alone. Hotch still hadn't been cleared to drive, so Emily got in the driver's seat while Hotch sat in the passenger's side.

Emily had thought about taking him to the restaurant where they'd shared their first real date a few years ago, hoping that it would spark a memory. She talked herself out of it, though, mostly due to fear. Fear that he wouldn't remember and Emily would be filled with nothing but memories. She feared that maybe he would remember, but that it wouldn't be the same.

The car ride to the restaurant they'd agreed on was mostly silent, save for the bit of small talk between them. Neither of them really knew how to broach any of the topics they'd been avoiding.

Finally, they'd arrived and were seated at a table together.

"We really need to figure all this out." Emily said bluntly.

"What should we do?" Hotch asked.

"I don't know..." Emily admitted. "This is something neither one of us have any experience in."

There was a silence, then Hotch bit his lip and spoke again. "Maybe we should take a break..." He suggested.

"A break?" Emily questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah. I could get an apartment or something until we figure out what to do." Hotch spoke quietly, clearly worried about suggesting it.

Emily could swear the whole restaurant could hear her heart pounding. On one hand, she could see where he was coming from. Maybe taking a break would be best while they cleared their heads. Hotch hardly had time to wrap his brain around what had happened to him before he was thrown into a life he didn't remember. But, Emily saw the other side. How would that help him remember? What about the kids? They'd been through so much already. Emily took a breath before she responded.

"Do you really think that's best?" Emily managed.

"I don't know, but we can't keep going around like this." Hotch said rationally.

"I know, you're right." Emily agreed to that, nothing was ever going to get better if something didn't change. "It's just... What about the kids?" Emily asked.

"We can come up with a schedule so we can both see them." Hotch answered, as if he'd already thought everything through.

"But- is that gonna be good for them? Switching between houses for God knows how long?" Emily wondered out loud.

"Do you have any other ideas?" Hotch asked, not to be mean, but to honestly hear her out.

"Not unless you and I took turns living at the house, but that would be just as stressful for them, I think. I just wish they didn't have to suffer anymore..." Emily said honestly.

"I'm sorry I've put you all through this, but I really think this will be best in the long run." Hotch replied sympathetically.

"I hope you're right," Emily breathed. "You um- you don't want to get a divorce, right?" Emily asked him, trying not to let her voice crack.

"Do you?" Hotch asked.

"No," Emily answered quickly. "No, I don't. I just wanted to be sure we were on the same page... So when we get home, we should come up with a schedule for who gets the kids when. When we talk to them, should we just say we're just separating for a while?" Emily asked.

"That sounds good." Hotch agreed. Emily nodded.

"I'm sorry; I know dates are supposed to be a bit happier than this..." Hotch said after a few minutes of quiet.

"Yeah, I guess. It's okay." Emily replied, wishing she had been more honest with him, wishing she had begged him not to go, wishing she at least put forth an effort to help him remember. But she hadn't, and she couldn't really go back now. She sighed, trying not to let her emotions show. She mentally kicked herself; she should pour her heart out to him. She should tell him how much she truly loves him, she should run back home with him and start showing him photos, sharing memories, whatever it took to try revive his memory. But she didn't, she couldn't will herself to speak, even though she knew she needed to. Truthfully, she was afraid.

She spent her entire life running away from her feelings; she kept to herself as much as she could. But once she and Hotch began to spend so much time together and eventually fell in love, Emily was able to allow herself to open up like she hadn't done before. She had told him things she'd never told anyone else before. Though she considered JJ her best friend, it was different when it came to Hotch. But now, he didn't remember all the late night talks, he didn't remember falling in love; he didn't remember all the good times they'd had. He remembered her as co-workers, as friends maybe, but not close friends. The way he looked at her was so different, and Emily couldn't find it in her to open up to him like she once had. She was so frustrated and angry and confused she wanted to cry, but she didn't let herself do that as she tried to keep her composure.


	12. Chapter 12

**Sorry if I upset anybody with that last chapter… but I hope you stick with me til the end! : )**

Emily hoped everyone would be asleep when she and Hotch arrived home, but since it was still early she knew at least Declan would still be awake. She wished she could just go up to her room and not talk to anyone; she wasn't sure how she was going to keep it together around the kids. She knew in the long run, the separation would be good for everyone, but she just couldn't fathom going days at a time without her family.

She almost audibly sighed in relief when no one was downstairs waiting when she and Hotch walked in the house. She checked the time, noting Declan has probably already put Layla to bed.

"Do you think we should tell Jack and Declan tonight? Or wait until tomorrow?" Hotch wondered.

"If we don't tell them tonight, they'll know something's up. They need to be as involved as possible since this affects them too." Emily replied.

"Okay, let's go." Hotch offered a soft smile, but Emily couldn't return it. Instead she headed up the stairs in search of the boys. They headed up to Jack's bedroom first. The ten-year-old greeted them happily, already in his pajamas for the night.

"Did you guys have fun?" He asked. Emily simply nodded with a soft smile.

"We had a nice time, buddy." Hotch supplied a verbal response. "But how about we go see Declan? Emily- your mom-" he corrected, "and I have something we'd like to talk about with you both." Emily was glad Hotch was able to take charge in this situation, because she knew she couldn't.

The three of them went across the hall to Declan's bedroom. The teen was less enthusiastic as he greeted his parents than Jack had been.

"Did I miss the memo about a family reunion?" Declan asked sarcastically when the three of them entered his room and crowded on Declan's bed.

"We just need to tell you both something we decided while we were out tonight." Emily managed to find her voice, hoping it didn't crack.

"What is it?" Jack asked.

"Well, sweetie, your dad and I- we're gonna take a little break from each other for a little while." Emily replied. She couldn't say more, she knew she'd start to cry.

"What do you mean?" Jack asked worriedly, looking from Emily to Hotch.

"It means I'm going to leave for a little while so I can clear my head. But I want you, Declan, and Layla to come visit. Your mom and I are going to come up with a schedule, though." Hotch explained.

"Are you divorcing?" Jack questioned.

"No, buddy. We aren't getting a divorce." Hotch assured the boy with a hand to his shoulder.

"We want you guys to be as involved as possible, so just tell us what you guys think is best after you have some time to think about it. We'll work something out, okay?" Emily forced herself to speak again.

"Do you have to leave, Daddy?" Jack asked as he shot Hotch his famous puppy dog look.

"I'm afraid so, but we'll still spend time together." Hotch smiled.

Jack seemed satisfied with this answer, and smiled back and Hotch.

"Okay, Jack, it's bedtime." Emily said after a few minutes of quiet. She noticed Declan hadn't spoken at all since hearing the news, and she wanted to talk to him alone.

"Okay!" Jack agreed, hugging both his parents goodnight and heading back into his room. Hotch started to exit the room when Emily spoke.

"I'll be there in a minute so we can talk." She said, getting a nod from Hotch who sensed she wanted to talk to Declan, so he closed the door when he left.

"Talk to me." Emily said as she made herself more comfortable on Declan's bed.

"What's there to talk about?" Declan asked. "It doesn't really matter what I say, because he's still going to leave regardless."

"I know... I'm sorry. I don't want him to leave, but he brought it up at dinner." Emily admitted.

"Did you tell him that?" Declan asked.

"Well no... But if he wants to I don't want to keep him here. All the arguing we're doing isn't good for you guys to hear. Maybe some time apart will be good." Emily said, not sure who she was trying to convince more.

"Do I have to go see him? I mean, he hardly knows me. He doesn't see me as his kid. I'd rather stay here with you." Declan confided.

"I'd like you to let him get to know you to see if he'll remember, but you're practically an adult, so I won't make you go if you don't want to." Emily told him.

"I'm not an adult, I can't even drive yet." Declan joked with a smile. Emily was glad to see that side of him, especially now when she was so close to breaking.

"I said practically. I'm not letting you drove until you're 40. The entire District of Columbia thanks me." Emily continued the joke.

"You're so funny." Declan said sarcastically.

"Don't you forget it," Emily said as she rose from the bed. "Don't stay up too late or I'll change the driving age to 45."

"'Night, Mom." Declan laughed as Emily left the room.

Emily sighed as she closed the door to Declan's room. Never would she have thought she'd be talking about her and Hotch separating before, and even though it was very real, Emily felt like she was stuck in a bad dream.

She entered the bedroom cautiously, but Hotch greeted her with a soft smile.

"Are you sure you're okay with this?" Hotch asked softly. "You've barely looked at me since I brought this up, and you look upset. Maybe I don't remember marrying you, but I do remember that look." Hotch told her, knowing her 'tell' well.

Emily let herself smile at that. "I'm- honestly?" She asked, and he nodded. "I don't know, Aaron. I do see your point, you were kind of thrown into this whole thing and nobody really have you time to process. But I- this has been my life for so long now, I don't want to be away from my family..." She admitted quietly. She wanted to add that she'd never thought she'd have her own family, and now that she did she didn't want anything to break it up, but she kept quiet.

"I don't know what else to do, Emily. I'm sorry." He said softly.

"What were you thinking for the schedule? The boys get out of school next week. So, I guess that'll make it a bit easier since we won't be taking them and picking them up every day." Emily said aloud, not wanting to dwell too much on being sad.

"Well, I'm not really sure." Hotch admitted. Truthfully, he expected Emily to argue with him. He never thought she'd agree with him so quickly, and because of that he hadn't thought too much into the topic.

"There's always the old stay with mom during the week and with dad on the weekend routine..." Emily said.

"We could do that, if you'd like, at least for this last week of them being in school. But after that, though, we could do something to try and give us equal time." Hotch added.

"Yeah, but what else is there? I mean there's 7 days, so obviously it's not going to be exactly fair." Emily told him.

"Unless we traded weeks." Hotch suggested.

Emily bit her lip. "I'm- I'm not sure Layla's old enough for that yet. I mean, you moving out and trying to adjust to a completely different schedule will be hard enough on her as it is." Emily replied. While that was true, Emily also knew she'd never be able to stand a week alone without them.

Noticing Hotch looked a little upset that Emily had dismissed him so quickly, she added, "However, Declan's kind of already told me he'd prefer to stay here...and Jack loves you so much, I know he'd be okay with you for a whole week, and once Layla's older I know she will too. And Declan will come around, he just doesn't know how to process this."

"You don't want to separate them though, right?" Hotch asked.

"No, I'd really like them to stay together. They'll need each other, but right now I don't know how not to separate them, especially since Declan's not really on board with this whole thing right now." Emily said.

"Does he hate me?" Hotch asked.

"No, no. He doesn't hate you. He's just not sure how to act around you now. You became his father not long after Doyle died, even though he didn't know him. He had Tom, but he was away so much that Declan decided to come live with me, but still. He needed a father figure and you supplied that for him. He doesn't want it to be awkward for you, so he's just trying to stay out of the way He'll come around, though. I'm sure of that." Emily replied, surprised she had let herself reveal so much.

"So anyway, I guess for now we could do your idea of Jack and Layla and eventually Declan staying with me on the weekends if they want." Hotch changed the subject quickly, not exactly sure what to say.

"Okay," Emily agreed. "We can change it up however we want if we see this isn't working." Emily said rationally.

"So we'll tell them tomorrow, then I guess I can start looking for a place?" Hotch asked, and Emily nodded.

She moved to get off the bed, but then she decided to do something she'd wanted to do for days. She sat back down and bit her lip nervously. She gained a bit of courage, seeing how they had just resolved a conflict without arguing and being rational for once.

"I've kind of wanted to ask you this for days, but I was scared. Would you look through old pictures with me? The doctor said it might bring back some memories..." Emily trailed off.

"I'd like that." Hotch replied softly.

Emily couldn't stop herself from smiling as she dug the photo albums out and sat them out on the bed, eager to show Hotch the things he couldn't remember.

She spread the albums out, turning them to pages she'd marked weeks ago. She enjoyed looking at them again. She watched as Hotch took in each picture. He smiled, but something in his eyes looked sad. Emily stayed quiet until he started asking about different pictures. She explained the family pictures in the park right after Layla was born, Christmas pictures, pictures from various sporting events of Jack's and Declan's.

Emily had to fight hard to keep her tears at bay when Hotch flipped to some wedding pictures. He studied them differently, longer, as if he was afraid he'd never see them again. It was honestly the happiest day of Emily's life, and the man she shared it with couldn't remember.

"Do you remember anything?" Emily squeaked out.

Hotch shook his head, his eyes never straying from the pictures of them in their wedding attire. Emily's hair was down, perfect curls framing her face. Her dress was long and white, and fit her exactly right in all the right places. Emily never pegged herself as one to dwell on vanity, but she felt beautiful that day.

"I'm sorry, Emily. But we sure look happy. And you look- amazing." He breathed. "I really hope we can be that happy again one day."

This time, Emily didn't try to fight the tears. She let them fall as Hotch gently hugged her. She smiled, and wiped at her eyes.

"Sorry... It's late, let me get these out of your way." Emily said quickly as she jumped up and put the photo albums back.

"Goodnight," she said as she took the baby monitor and headed downstairs to the couch. She made herself a cup of tea and snuggled into a blanket before she turned on the TV, but she shut it off not ten minutes later. She knew she needed sleep, she was so tired and her body ached with fatigue, but she could already tell this would be yet another sleepless night.


	13. Chapter 13

**Hope you guys enjoy this chapter : ) **

The next week was slightly less tense than the previous days had been, but Hotch was wasting no time looking for an apartment close by. It worried Emily how eager he seemed to be to leave. She and Hotch were managing to get along better than they had been, but things were still so different between the couple. They might be acting more friendly towards each other, but it wasn't like it had been.

On the boys' last day of school, Hotch suggested they all go out to dinner that night to celebrate. They weren't home yet, and Layla was down for her nap upstairs.

"You mean- all of us?" Emily asked as she continued to fold the laundry she had piled up on the couch to sort and distribute to their proper owners.

"Yes, all of us." Hotch replied with a smile, as he joined to help her fold.

"That'll be so nice; we haven't done anything as a family in… months." Emily realized. Even before the accident, Emily was having trouble remembering the last time all five of them went somewhere together.

After a few minutes of quiet, Hotch spoke again.

"I uh- found a place." He admitted softly.

"Oh," Emily replied. "That's- that's great," Emily hoped her happiness didn't sound as forced as she thought it did. "Where is it?"

"The apartment complex a few blocks over. It's called Windsor Place or something like that. It's pretty small, but I think it'll be nice, and it's in my price range for now, at least while I'm out of work. I don't expect I'll be allowed back any time soon." Hotch replied.

"Did you already go look at the place?" Emily asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, when you took Layla to get her cast looked at a few days ago Rossi came by and took me." Hotch said.

"Huh," Emily huffed. "Well, that was nice of him."

"You're not mad because I didn't ask you to take me, are you?" Hotch wondered.

"I mean- I guess not, but it'd be nice to see the place since my children will be spending a lot of time there." Emily defended.

Hotch sighed. "I'm sorry, you're right. I just wanted to make sure it was okay before I dragged you out there to look at it. I haven't technically got it yet, so we can go look at it first thing tomorrow if you want. If you don't like it I can keep looking." Hotch compromised.

"Really?" Emily asked.

"Yes, I mean this whole thing's going to be hard on you, too. And like you said, the kids will be spending a lot of time there, so you should be able to know they're safe." Hotch supplied.

Emily had to smile, and before she knew what was happening, she and Hotch were within inches of each other. They were getting closer, as if they were about to kiss, and Emily could swear her heart was going to beat out of her chest. Just at that moment, the sound of Layla's whines rang through the baby monitor sitting on the coffee table. Emily immediately jumped and pulled back; biting her lip and feeling her face turn red.

"Um, I'm gonna go check on her." Emily muttered before rising from the couch and dashing up the stairs to check on Layla.

That night, the family of five headed out to Declan and Jack's favorite pizza place for dinner.

"Of all your options, you guys chose a pizza place." Emily said as they all sat down and Emily placed Layla in a booster seat.

"Pizza is the best food ever." Jack answered simply, to which Declan only nodded.

Dinner was actually turning out to be enjoyable, much to Emily's surprise. For the first time in weeks, Emily was able to relax a little bit. They laughed together, as a family. For a split second, Emily almost forgot she and Hotch were separating because he couldn't remember marrying her, or creating the family that he and Emily had now.

However, Emily was hit with a huge dose of reality when Hotch decided to tell Jack and Declan he found an apartment.

Emily tried not to let herself get upset, but truthfully, she was. She didn't want him to mention it until it was a done deal, because as Hotch said earlier, he didn't officially rent the place yet.

"Is it a big place? Do we get our own rooms? What about Mom? She'll be all alone." Jack seemed to say all at once. Emily couldn't take it anymore, and she rose from the table and headed for the bathroom to get away from the conversation.

She stayed there a few minutes, trying to compose herself, the night had gone by nearly perfectly, and she didn't want to ruin it. After she felt she was calmer, she exited the bathrooms and headed back to the table, pleased to see the conversation had drifted to a different topic.

"You okay?" Hotch asked, and Emily just nodded and turned to make sure Layla was eating her food and not playing with it. She found herself more at ease as she watched Declan and Jack banter on like brothers do. She couldn't help but smile, remembering how happy they had been when they learned that she and Hotch were getting married. She refrained from sighing; it seemed she couldn't reminisce on anything without remembering that Hotch couldn't do the same. She almost felt guilty, because she had so many memories store that he simply no longer had.

She forced herself to perk up, and enjoy the rest of dinner with her family. For all she knew, this could be the last time they all went out together as a family. She tried not to think so negatively, but it seemed lately her brain was only programmed to expect the worst.

Later that night, after everyone but Hotch and Emily were asleep, Hotch made sure to talk to Emily before she turned in for the night. He could tell she grew tense when he mentioned the apartment to Declan and Jack.

She was in the kitchen making herself a cup of tea when he approached her carefully.

"Em?" He said as he entered the room. Despite his intentions not to startle her, she jumped slightly as she spun around to face him and brought a hand to her chest.

"Hey, sorry. You scared me." She replied with a tight smile.

"I tried not to." He explained honestly. He rocked back and forth on his heels for a minute before he spoke again. "Are you okay? You got a little upset at dinner…" he said.

Emily sighed. "It's just- I don't know, I guess I didn't want them to know about the apartment until it was official." Emily replied with a shrug.

"That's it?" Hotch pressed, knowing the problem was deeper than that.

"Yes, that's _it_." Emily defended.

"Okay, okay." Hotch said as he raised his hands in defeat. "I just want you to know I'm not intentionally trying to piss you off."

"I know you're not. I'm sorry." Emily sighed. "I'm being a stubborn bitch, and you don't deserve that." She apologized.

Hotch could tell she was tired, and he wondered if she was sleeping at all. The dark circles under her eyes and her short temper were definite signs that it had been awhile since she'd slept a decent amount. Not only that, but Hotch knew she'd spent weeks worrying about him in the hospital, all while taking care of three children all by herself; only for him to wake up and not remember a thing. They were arguing, and Hotch assumed they hadn't done much of that in the past. Emily looked so fragile standing in front of him, as if she might fall to pieces at any second. He wished he could make everything right again, he wished none of this had ever happened, and that he could be the man she remembered. It wasn't that he didn't see himself loving her; it was that he couldn't see her loving him. Truthfully, he'd had eyes for Emily ever since he'd worked for her mother all those years ago. He never thought he'd see her again, and then just like that, she shows up in his office one day. Of course, he was married to Haley then, and he would never do anything to compromise his marriage. He loved Haley; still loved Haley. But after Foyet's attack and the eventual murder of Haley, Emily had been there. She made sure he was okay; she called nearly every day to check on him and Jack. She listened to him. He often rambled on about how everything was his fault, but Emily was the only one who didn't constantly apologize. She told him the truth: that he had every right to blame himself, but he shouldn't. It wasn't his fault that Haley died, and she died protecting Jack. He could still keep his promise to Haley by loving Jack unconditionally and being there for him. However, every time they tried to be together, just when they were getting down to the revealing of emotions part of a relationship, Emily would distance herself. He knew she had her doubts about relationships and feelings, so he knew having her as a friend was better than nothing.

Without Emily, despite her reservations, Hotch didn't know what he'd have done. It nearly killed him when Emily had to fake her death. He tried to move on, and he did like Beth, she was sweet and good to him and Jack. He wondered when they broke up, and when exactly he and Emily became serious, but he figured right now probably wasn't the best time to ask that question.

"You don't have to be sorry, come here." Hotch said as he enveloped Emily in a hug. He expected her to pull away and run upstairs, but instead she fell into him, just for a moment. Suddenly, she backed away.

"I'm um, I'm gonna go to bed. Well, to the couch. Goodnight." Emily said as she raced up the stairs and brought Layla's baby monitor back with her. Hotch wanted to talk to her, to try to tell her what he was feeling, but instead he slowly headed up the stairs and went to bed. He wanted to offer Emily the bed, but he knew she would refuse. He sighed as he lay down, knowing much like Emily, he wouldn't be getting much sleep either.

Emily tossed and turned on the uncomfortable couch, trying to process what had happened with Hotch in the kitchen. It was as if without saying any words, they'd let each other know they still cared. Emily knew no matter how this panned out, she would always care about him. She hoped he felt the same, but she didn't want to assume anything, because that's how people got hurt.

She'd gotten so upset at dinner because she had every intention of walking into the apartment that Hotch had picked out and finding something wrong with it. That way, he could stay. She supposed she could still do that, but the more she thought about it the more she realized how crazy she must have sounded. She shouldn't intentionally force Hotch to stay, if he wanted to, she wasn't stopping him. Besides, the separation was his idea anyway, she reminded herself.

When he'd willingly reached out to hug her tonight, Emily almost told him to stay. Maybe she should have, or maybe it would have made everything worse. She supposed she'd never know now, she couldn't turn back the clock. She flung the blanket off of her she had draped across her, taking her empty mug of tea into the kitchen sink, washing the mug and putting it away. She needlessly scrubbed already spotless countertops and reorganized the refrigerator, just to get her mind on something else. She longed to lie down and sleep, but she knew sleep wouldn't come. She honestly couldn't remember the last time she slept for more than a few hours at a time. Emily knew it wasn't healthy, but she didn't want to see a doctor about it. She was just going to handle everything herself, just like she was used to doing.


	14. Chapter 14

**Thank you all so much for loving this story as much as I do : ) I tried to update this earlier, but FFN was apparently having some issues, but I've been told it's fixed now so I hope this worked! **

The next day, the Hotchner family went to go look at the apartment Hotch had found. Emily went grudgingly, but here she was. Emily had every intention of setting foot into the apartment and finding something wrong with it. Maybe if she did, Hotch wouldn't move out. She could buy herself more time to muster up the courage to tell him the truth, to tell him that he couldn't leave them because she needed him with her. She hated how reserved she was being about her feelings, before any of this happened she would have had no problem letting him know how much she loved him, but now, it was as if she had regressed to the time in her life when she trusted no one; when she handled everything herself because that's who Emily Prentiss thought she was.

Once they arrived at the apartment, Emily was the last one to trail in as she held a wide eyed Layla on her hip. The apartment wasn't huge, but it was nowhere near as small as Emily's old one had been. It had plenty of room, it was practically perfect. The only flaw she found was the number of bedrooms, but it wasn't as if many apartments possessed more than two bedrooms.

"There's only two bedrooms, the three of them can't possibly share a room." Emily pointed out.

"I already figured that out. I can turn one of the rooms into Layla's room, since she's still young and goes to bed earlier. The boys can sleep in my bedroom when they're here and I don't mind sleeping on the couch, I can get a pullout." Hotch explained, seeming happy he'd already thought of everything.

"Hm," Emily said, giving the apartment another look over. It was perfect. It was safe, and it was in a good neighborhood. There was absolutely no way Emily could reasonably say no to Hotch moving in and letting the boys and Layla stay with him. But she wanted to say no, she wanted to say it so badly. She bit her tongue, and turned to Jack and Declan.

"What do you guys think?" she asked.

"I think it's awesome!" Jack said as he kicked off his shoes and slid across the hardwood floors. "We can't do this at home!"

"I'm going to put furniture in it, buddy." Hotch said with a laugh.

"Aw, man!" Jack said sadly.

Emily let Layla down on the floor, who apparently also liked all the space in the apartment, because as soon as Emily put her down she ran as fast as she could across the floor.

"I guess Layla likes it, too. Maybe you shouldn't get furniture, after all." Emily joked. "What about you, Dec?" Emily asked as she turned to the sullen teen.

He shrugged. "It's nice." He said.

Emily smiled sympathetically and reached out to squeeze his shoulder encouragingly. She knew she needed to talk to him again, but not while Hotch was around.

After a few more minutes, everyone seemed to have had their fill of the new place, and they left the apartment. Hotch had a doctor's appointment, and Emily didn't want to make the kids go with them so she drove them home and left Jack and Layla in Declan's care.

The ride to the hospital was silent and awkward, nothing new for the couple.

"Do you really like the apartment?" Hotch asked, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

"I do, why?" Emily lied.

"You just seem like there's something you're not telling me." Hotch replied simply.

"I'm fine." Emily said automatically, the one response she'd used so many times she'd lost count.

"Okay…" Hotch said awkwardly. "I can make it official in a few days, if the doctor says it's fine." He added.

"Oh, okay." Emily said, unsure of what else she was supposed to say. She wanted to tell him to stay, to forget about leaving, but she couldn't. She physically couldn't make herself do it.

The remainder of the drive was silent, and it felt like an eternity for both Hotch and Emily, but it was really only a few minutes. The arrived at the doctor's office and headed inside to wait for the doctor to be available, still not speaking a word. They headed into the doctor's office just a few minutes later. Emily stood off to the side and waited while the doctor checked up on Hotch.

"Well, physically, you're doing great. Any headache?" Hotch shook his head. "That's good," he said encouragingly. "I'll clear you to drive, maybe that'll help you get back some normalcy in your routine." The doctor continued. Neither Hotch nor Emily dared to inform him that Hotch had already taken the liberty of clearing himself.

"What about work?" Hotch asked. Emily wanted to roll her eyes; of course he was going to ask about work.

"I don't think you should stress yourself out, it could trigger migraines. And I definitely don't think you should be doing any type of field work. I'd give it a couple more weeks." The doctor replied.

With mostly good news, except for the obvious memory problem, Emily and Hotch were headed back home in no time. With Layla napping, Emily decided to take the time to call JJ again. Since the whole thing started, JJ was the only person she had been able to talk to. Emily waited as the phone rang, hoping she wasn't interrupting anything.

"Hey," JJ answered happily.

"I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" Emily asked as she bit her lip.

"Emily, I've told you, any time you need me I'm here," JJ answered. "So, how'd it go today?" she asked, before Emily had a chance to argue.

Emily sighed. "It went well, I guess. The apartment Aaron found is great, he can move in in a couple of days." Emily explained.

"You don't sound too thrilled." JJ said obviously.

"I know… I just- I never really pictured this being our lives, you know? One minute we're married and together and the next, he doesn't remember anything and we're practically going to be living separate lives. I don't understand how being apart is going to help us at all." Emily confessed quietly.

"Does he know that?" JJ asked.

"No, I haven't told him I don't want him to leave. I don't want to force him to stay here, you know? If it were me in his position, I'd probably do the same thing." Emily reasoned out loud.

"I still think you should tell him how you feel, it's not good for you to try and handle this alone. Maybe he's waiting for you to say something because he's not sure you want him there." JJ replied.

"I know, I know, I have to tell him… and I will." Emily said, though not very convincingly.

"Don't make me come over there and smack you," JJ joked, and Emily smiled for the first time in a while. The friends said their goodbyes, and the call ended.

Emily really considered talking to Hotch, but just as she finally convinced herself to do it, Layla woke up from her nap. Emily took it as a sign to keep to herself, at least for now.

That weekend, Jack was leaving to spend a week with Hotch in his new apartment. Emily was reluctant to let Layla stay that long, so Emily and Hotch agreed Layla would stay the weekend for now since she was still so little. Declan had decided to stay with Emily, and Emily knew that while it was just the two of them she needed to talk to him.

Hotch had moved out so quickly, Emily hardly had time to register that he'd left before she was dropping off Jack and Layla at the apartment. It felt strange, and she knew it would feel even stranger that night when there were no baths to be given, no bedtime stories to be told, and no one inhabiting two of the rooms upstairs. Emily tried not to be too short with Hotch, complimenting what a nice job he'd done setting the place up in such a short amount of time, and trying to remain friendly.

After Emily left the apartment and drove back home in silence, she couldn't help but wonder how long this would go on. What if Hotch never remembered? What if, God forbid, he wanted to divorce? She tried to shake those thoughts from her mind, but they refused to leave her. They nagged at her the whole drive home, and by the time Emily set foot in the quiet, nearly empty house, those thoughts were screaming at her. She threw the car keys in the bowl by the door and headed upstairs to talk to Declan.

She found him in his room on the bed, his laptop in his lap and earphones in his ears. His door has been open, but she knocked lightly on the door frame to announce her presence. Declan looked up and nodded, signaling it was okay for Emily to come in. Emily sat on the edge of Declan's bed, but his gaze never left his laptop screen.

"Can I talk to you?" Emily asked, knowing he could hear her despite his earphones.

Declan took the earphones out, but kept his laptop up. "About what?"

Emily moved the laptop from his lap and sat it on the floor next to her. "Why didn't you want to go this week? The real reason." Emily asked, no longer willing to buy whatever excuse Declan came up with.

Declan shrugged. "I just didn't want to." He replied simply.

"Jack was a little disappointed you decided to stay." Emily told him.

"Yeah, he told me he really wanted me to go." Declan told her quietly.

"Why didn't you?" Emily pressed again, determined to get Declan to open up.

"I guess I just didn't like the idea of you being here all alone this week." Declan finally admitted.

"Dec," Emily said, making sure he was listening. "You don't have to stay here just because I'm here by myself. If you want to go spend time with your dad, then I want you to. I know you're upset he doesn't remember you, but I can tell you miss him." Emily said.

"I hate that you used to be a profiler." Declan joked.

Emily laughed, but then she said, "Maybe you can go with Jack and Layla next time? I you don't want to stay a whole week maybe you can stay for the weekend like Layla." Emily said encouragingly.

"Yeah, maybe." Declan agreed.

"What else is bothering you?" Emily asked, sensing there was more Declan wanted to say.

"It's nothing." Declan shrugged it off, glancing down away from Emily.

"You know I'll get it out of you eventually, you might as well surrender now." Emily smiled.

Declan sighed. "Do you ever wish you hadn't adopted me?"

"No," Emily said seriously. "Not at all. Why, where's this coming from?"

"I don't know, I guess sometimes I just wonder." Declan admitted.

"Declan, adopting you is one of the best decisions I've ever made. I never thought I'd see you again, and sometimes I still see you as that little four year old who wanted to play hide and seek and make chocolate chip cookies every day. I wish I had been able to take you in back then, but I couldn't. I don't want you to think I regret it, because I don't." Emily said honestly. "I know the situation we're in is weird and frustrating, and I wish I knew what I was doing, but there's no handbook for this."

"I just never knew how to bring up the subject, I guess." Declan told her.

"Any time you want to talk, I'm here to listen. I know I've been kind of running around like a crazy person, but you and your brother and your sister always come first, got it?" Emily replied.

"Okay. Thanks Mom." Declan smiled.

Emily rose from the bed and kissed Declan on the top of his head. At least she'd finally gotten Declan to talk, for now, that was enough to ease her nerves and make her stop thinking of all the things that could go wrong in the future.


	15. Chapter 15

**Sorry about the FFN issue with the last chapter … I'm not sure what was up with it, but hopefully this one works better! And if you didn't get a chance to read 14 yet make sure you do that! : ) **

Two long days later, Emily was finally on her way to Hotch's apartment to pick Layla up. She knew Layla was safe with Hotch, but her mind refused to rest until she saw it for herself. It had been a quiet weekend; Declan had basically locked himself in his room. For once, Emily actually managed to get some work done, which she hadn't been able to do in a while. The files were stacked on top of each other so high; Emily wondered how they hadn't all fallen by now. She ignored the voicemails from her boss, he was angry at her and she supposed he should be; she literally couldn't recall the last time she had done anything work related. It was a wonder he hadn't outright fired her by now. Though she was still on extended leave from the office, she wished she could just quit altogether, but there were enough changes happening at the Hotchner household right now without Emily flying off the deep end to quit her job.

Emily pulled into the parking lot and headed into Hotch's apartment complex and up to his floor. When she got to his door, she paused before she knocked on the door. She wasn't sure why she hesitated, but suddenly she wasn't sure she wanted to see him; or that he didn't want to see her. He answered the door quickly, though, and greeted Emily with a smile. The smile he wore too infrequently, she thought; the smile she fell in love with. She returned the smile, and followed him inside when he invited her in.

Emily found Jack and Layla in the living room of the apartment, Layla sitting on the floor at the coffee table coloring a picture, and Jack playing a video game. She smiled, they seemed happy, and that's all Emily really cared about above anything else.

"Layla, look who's here." Hotch said as Layla looked up from her drawing and beamed at Emily.

"Mommy!" Layla greeted happily as she ran over to Emily as fast as she could. Emily immediately picked the toddler up and held her close.

"Did you have a good time?" Emily asked and Layla nodded.

"Hey, Jack," Emily greeted warmly. The house was so much quieter without him around, and she missed him.

"Hey, Mom," he returned the greeting, his eyes never leaving the game he was involved with. Emily had to laugh at that.

There was an awkward silence, but thankfully Hotch was the one to break it.

"Well, I'll go get her bag for you, it's in her room." Hotch said as he disappeared towards the back of the apartment. Emily moved to the couch to sit next to Jack and make small talk with him about his game with Layla in her lap. Minutes later, Hotch came back with the bag Emily had packed for Layla. He handed it to her and offered her another warm smile, which she returned. She rose from the couch with Layla in her arms, skillfully taking the bag from Hotch and swinging it over her shoulder.

"Well, I'll see you at the end of the week?" Emily asked, referring to when she would come back to pick Jack up.

"I'll see you then." He confirmed. They said their goodbyes, and Emily headed back to her car. She realized as she carefully sat Layla in her car seat in the back and buckled her in, that she hadn't wanted to leave. Despite the awkward silences, Emily felt at home with him around. She quickly shook those thoughts from her mind, she didn't foresee this arrangement changing any time soon, and wishing and hoping was only going to make things worse.

The whole way home, Layla told Emily story after story about what all had happened at Hotch's that weekend. Apparently, judging by what Layla was saying, she had had a good time. Emily was happy; she was worried Layla might have a hard time adjusting. Emily pulled into the driveway and continued to carry on her conversation with Layla while she got her and her bag out of the car.

Emily carried Layla inside, and put her down once they entered the door. Emily set Layla's bag down, decided to deal with the clothes inside later. She helped Layla up the stairs, who had asked to go see Declan.

Emily left Layla with Declan while she headed downstairs to start dinner for the three of them. She couldn't help but let her mind wander to who was missing. The house was so much different without Jack and Hotch. It didn't feel complete, and Emily blamed herself. She should have tried to stop him, she should have told him not to go; but she didn't and she didn't know what to do now.

She sighed, trying not to let herself focus on the negatives. She tried to tell herself that this separation was a good thing; it was giving Hotch time to process everything. She couldn't imagine waking up and not remembering her life.

Hotch spent the rest of the night with Jack, trying to understand the video game he had brought from home. He was glad he was getting to spend time with his son, but a part of him wished the whole family was there with them. His family, he thought. He had gone from single father, to husband and father of three what seemed like overnight to him. He wished he could remember, it seemed like he and Emily had made a wonderful life together; a life that she longed to go back to, but that was foreign to him.

He tried to remember, but he just couldn't. He saw the pictures, but he couldn't remember being there. It was strange to see a picture of himself and not being able to place the event. Strangely, he found himself missing Emily, missing their life. He longed to tell her that even if he didn't remember proposing to her, their wedding, or any of the moments they shared together, he still missed her. He could remember how close they had become after Haley's death and how good of a friend she had been, so he could see how their love story had come to be.

Later that night, after Jack had gone to bed, Hotch found himself lost in his thoughts again as he sat on the couch; the television on but muted. He remembered being with Beth, he wondered why they had decided to split. He wondered if maybe he just heard it from her, it might jog his memory. He was desperate, but he didn't know her number. He knew Garcia would get it for him if he just asked.

He glanced at the clock, she might still be at the bureau, but if she was it was probably because the team caught a case. He debated for nearly ten minutes before he finally picked up his phone and called Garcia and asked her to get Beth's number for him, but to make sure this stayed between them. He didn't want anyone to think he was calling Beth in hopes of reuniting with her, that was the last thing he needed.

He thanked Garcia, writing her number down and laying it on the coffee table in front of him. She lived in New York now, according to Garcia. Maybe that was why they had split. Of course, he wouldn't know for sure until he picked up the phone again and called her. Something stopped him. What if she didn't answer? Should he leave a voicemail? Should he ask her to call him back? What if she _did_ answer? What would he say, how would anyone begin to explain the situation?

Hotch shook his head and stuffed the piece of paper in a drawer in the coffee table. He couldn't call her, not without sounding like an idiot. Besides, who would believe he had actually lost his memory? She might get the wrong impression and he certainly didn't want that. He sighed and rose from the couch and turned in for the night. He just wanted to fix this, he wanted everything to be okay again, but he didn't have the slightest clue on how to do that.

A few nights later, Emily found herself pacing the length of the kitchen as she prepared dinner, Hotch was supposed to bring Jack back home at any time now. She wanted to invite Hotch to stay for dinner that night. She was already making it, it wouldn't be too weird to ask, she told herself. But there was a part of her that expected the worst, the part of her that she could never seem to turn off. What if he didn't want to stay? What if he was more serious about this separation than he was letting on? Her mind filled with questions and irrational thoughts.

She nearly had a heart attack when the doorbell rang. Slowly, she headed to the door and opened it. Jack rushed inside and greeted Emily with a tight hug, then ran past her to greet Layla who was playing in the living room.

"Um, thanks for dropping him off." Emily said as she looked down at her feet.

"Of course, I don't mind." Hotch replied.

"Did you guys have a good time?" Emily asked. She didn't even hear Hotch's answer.

_Ask him._ She said to herself. _Now_. But she didn't speak.

"So I guess I'll see you next weekend?" Hotch asked.

"What? Oh, yeah, next weekend." Emily agreed, mentally cursing herself as they said their goodbyes and Hotch walked out the door.

How was it she could apprehend the worst criminals and function in the most intense situations, but the thought of asking her husband to stay for dinner was daunting? She sighed as she closed the door behind Hotch and headed back into the kitchen, where dinner was waiting.

Jack took over most of the conversation at dinner, which Emily was grateful for. He seemed to have had a really good time with Hotch, but Emily was so glad he was back home again. Jack always seemed to lighten the mood, no matter how down or upset Emily was feeling, she could count on him to make her smile. Even Declan seemed to enjoy having Jack back; he was more talkative than he had been all week.

That night, after everyone had finally gone to bed, Emily found herself looking through photo albums for what had to be the thousandth time since Hotch's accident. She thought back to that night, and how angry she had been at Hotch. She longed to take it back, to go back and tell him how much she loved him and how much he meant to her, instead of yelling at him. Maybe if she hadn't have lost her temper, maybe he wouldn't have been so distracted. Maybe then he would have been more focused and would have been able to avoid the collision altogether. Or maybe, just maybe, for whatever reason Emily couldn't figure out, this was supposed to happen. Maybe there was no way it could have been prevented. Emily supposed she would never know, but that didn't stop her from wasting most of her night worrying and wondering if she could have done something to make things different.


	16. Chapter 16

**I think you guys might like the way this one ends ; )**

Several weeks went by, it was nearing Fall already. Not much had changed between Hotch and Emily, except that he had come with her to take Layla to get her cast off finally. He had also gone with her to pick out a new bed for the toddler, who had mastered the art of crawling in and out of her crib by herself.

Other than that, the routine stayed the same. Even Declan had gone to Hotch's a few times, and seemed fine until he came home a few days ago, saying he didn't want to go back. He wouldn't tell Emily why, just that he had other stuff to do.

Emily was scheduled to go back to work the week after school started back for Jack and Declan, which was just under two weeks away. She really didn't want to go back, even though she knew she had to. Maybe it would help, even, to get back into the old routine she once had.

Since Declan got back from Hotch's, he'd hardly been home, which was strange. Normally he would just lock himself away in his room. Emily saw it as a good thing, she just wished he wouldn't stay out so late.

It wasn't as if talking to him did anything, because he didn't listen. Emily was so worried about him, but she didn't know how to handle her own emotions, let alone how to handle an upset teenager.

The next time Declan went out a few nights later, Emily decided once he got home she needed to talk to him. Not only was she unsure of where he was late into the night, she knew it was dangerous. With all she'd seen in her career, she knew in an instant things could change for the worse, and she couldn't lose Declan. Not ever.

Emily sat on the couch, sipping a cup of coffee and watching some television show she wasn't really paying attention to. She probably wouldn't fall asleep before Declan came home since sleep hardly found her, but the caffeine was a precaution.

It was well after midnight before Declan quietly opened the front door and tip toed into the house.

"You know, you're getting pretty good at sneaking in late at night." Emily said, startling Declan and causing him to jump.

"Uh... Yeah, I guess." Declan replied, staring at his feet.

"Ah, so you haven't forgotten how to speak I see." Emily said. "Come here, we really need to talk." She added.

Declan shuffled over to the couch and sat down, never looking directly at Emily and keeping his head at an odd angle.

"Where do you keep going, Declan?" She asked softly. "I know you're going through a lot, and I've really been trying to let you work through this however you need to, but I'm so worried."

"I'm just out with friends. It's no big deal." Declan mumbled.

"Look at me." Emily instructed. Declan didn't move. Emily sighed and rose from the couch and moved to stand in front of him, but he looked away again. "Declan," she said impatiently as she gently placed a hand to his chin and made him look at her.

She gasped when she saw his swollen, blackening eye.

"Oh my God, what happened?" Emily demanded.

"Nothing, it's not that bad." Declan shrugged as he pulled away from Emily.

"Dec, your eye is practically swollen shut. I don't know how I didn't see it even with your head turned away." Emily said as she hurriedly went into the kitchen to get Declan an ice pack. She handed it to him and watched him place it over his eye, wincing a bit at the contact.

"I'm fine, really." Declan said again.

Emily sat down next to him again. "I'm really worried about you," she said again. "I want you to tell me what happened. Who did this to you?"

Declan huffed. "I got in a fight in the park with some guys tonight it's nothing. Can I go to bed now?"

"Some guys? How many? Dec, this isn't like you. You're the kid who tries to stop fights, not get into them." Emily pressed. Declan had been silent for too long, and Emily needed him to talk.

"Just a couple. They were being jerks so I punched one but his friend punched me back. That's it. It's fine." Declan said bitterly.

"It's not fine, you got hurt." Emily said.

"You don't have to baby me so much, Emily." Declan's harsh tone stunned Emily a bit.

"I'm not, I just want to know what's been bugging you since you came home from your dad's." Emily explained calmly.

"You really wanna know?" Declan spat. Emily nodded. "I found Beth's number under the coffee table. I asked him about it, and he said he was thinking about calling her. I mean, why would he do that? He's married! To you! It made me mad, okay? He doesn't remember me, Layla, marrying you... But all of that happened and it's like he doesn't care!" Declan said, his voice rising. Emily couldn't find her voice to tell him to keep it down so Jack and Layla wouldn't wake up. She sat frozen in silence. Surely he wasn't calling Beth to do anything but talk, right? Maybe she'd want to know what was happening. Then again, Emily didn't know how they had ended their relationship. She didn't know if Beth knew she and Hotch had married. She wasn't at the wedding. She was a nice woman, and Emily had liked her from what little she'd been around her, but Emily couldn't lose Hotch for good. She just couldn't.

"Oh," was all Emily could say.

"I'm sorry," Declan said quickly. "I shouldn't have said anything, Mom."

"No, it's fine...I'm glad you told me. No more of this sneaking around and getting into fights, okay?" Emily said, Declan nodded.

"We both need some rest. Do you want Tylenol or anything for your eye?" Emily asked, trying to remove what Declan had told her from her mind. Declan said no, but Emily made him take some up to his room with him just in case.

Knowing sleep wouldn't come any time soon, Emily straightened up the living room and checked on Jack and Layla before finally heading to her own bedroom. She put on pajamas and got into bed, but she lay there consumed with more distracting, negative thoughts. She might be over reacting, she knew that. But the anger Declan had been bottling up worried her, after all Declan had been the one to confront Hotch and he could have easily been hiding something from her.

Despite her will to not start crying, she felt the tears start falling, landing on her pillow. She hated crying. She felt weak and vulnerable and that was the last thing she ever wanted to feel. She wanted to pick up the phone and scream at Hotch, she wanted the truth. She wanted to know if he even wanted to try to work on their relationship at all any more.

But she couldn't move. She just lay there. She didn't know how long she lay motionless, just letting herself cry and think, but eventually her tears ceased and she found herself drifting off into a fitful sleep.

Emily didn't speak to Hotch again all week, until she dropped Jack and Layla off at his apartment. She didn't exactly want to be angry at him, but she was.

He greeted her with a smile, but she didn't return it. She went inside, brushing past Hotch and putting Layla down on the floor by the coffee table and setting one of her toys out for her to play with. Then, she went directly to Layla's bedroom and set the toddler's bag down. She noticed that since Emily had gotten rid of the crib at home, so had he.

She didn't even hear Hotch come in the room behind her, and she nearly ran into him on her way out.

"Sorry," she muttered softly.

"Uh, is everything okay?" Hotch asked.

"I don't know, you tell me." Emily said as she brushed past him again.

"Did I do something?" Hotch asked innocently, blissfully unaware of the emotions Emily had been carrying around all week.

"No." Emily lied. "I guess I'm just upset because school starts back soon and I go back to work full time. We have to come up with a different arrangement. Jack needs something a little more stable than living in a different house every week." Emily said, this was something they needed to talk about, but not what was really bothering her.

"Jack seems okay." Hotch said simply.

"Well I'm not okay with it. I don't like him being gone for a whole week, okay?" Emily snapped.

"Well what do you want me to do, Emily? There's only so many options." Hotch defended himself.

Emily sighed. "I don't know. I'm hardly going to get to see them during the week as it is now, but I like getting them to school and seeing them for dinner." Emily said.

"Well I don't know how to fix this, Emily." Hotch said.

Come home, Emily thought. But instead, she fought back the tears that stung her eyes as she glanced into the living room, making sure Jack and Layla weren't listening. She knew she had to at least get answers from him before she made any kind of decision.

"Are you thinking about calling Beth?" Emily asked bluntly, not sure how else to bring the subject up.

Hotch blinked. "How did you know that?" He asked.

"Declan told me. He was so upset about it that he got into a fight with some kids. Declan. He doesn't ever do things like that, Aaron! So I figure whatever you told him had to be a lot worse than whatever he told me. I like Beth, I do. But if you're contemplating leaving me, then just tell me. I can handle it." Emily said, exasperated.

"Emily, I was thinking about calling her," Hotch said honestly, his voice calm. "But not because I want to leave you. I just- I thought maybe if I heard why we broke up from her then I'd remember again. I know this is hurting you, it's hurting everyone and I'm so sorry," Hotch said. "I haven't been very honest with you. I may not remember marrying you, but I can see why I fell in love with you and would want to marry you. It looks like we had a great life together, and I want to remember it. I was desperate, I guess. So I had Garcia look up Beth's number. I never called it, though."

Emily blinked back more tears. "R-really?" She choked out. "You must think I'm the most horrible person in the world." Emily said softly.

"No, that's why I didn't tell you. I didn't want you to get the wrong impression. When I told Declan, it was because I didn't want to lie to him for one, and I didn't think it would upset him so much. Did you say he got in a fight?" Hotch asked.

Emily nodded. "He got a pretty black eye, but he's okay. He's talking more now, I think he'll be okay." Emily informed him.

"Well, I'm sorry that I upset him. If you think if anything I can do, just tell me." Hotch said.

"Thank you." Emily said, her voice barely above a whisper.

"I'm sorry this happened, Emily. I'm sorry for everything." Hotch said as he absentmindedly pulled her close. She didn't flinch away, only leaned into him like it was the most natural thing in the world.

"It's not your fault." Emily whispered. "It's mine. I yelled at you. I distracted you. That's why you weren't paying as much attention to your surroundings. That's why this happened." Emily choked out, finally expressing her feelings to Hotch and not bothering to blink back the tears.

"Emily," Hotch said, getting her attention. "You can't think this is you fault. It's not. This isn't something that you or me, or anybody caused." Hotch said.

"I know." Emily sniffed. "But I was so mad at you! I just wanted you home more. You put off retiring and you were always gone and you missed Declan's birthday and I snapped." Emily said quickly, hardly giving herself time to breathe.

"I did?" Hotch asked. "Oh Emily. I'm sorry." He said simply.

"I'm sorry," Emily stressed. "For everything."

"Don't be." Hotch said, leaning in to kiss her lips without a second thought, like it was something they'd done all the time. She didn't pull away. She deepened the kiss.

They were interrupted by the sound of Layla's disgust, followed by a giggle.

Emily couldn't help but laugh at the situation. That wasn't the first time Layla had caught them kissing, but it was the first time it happened in months. She picked the little girl up and planted a kiss on her forehead before giving her to Hotch.

She didn't want to leave, but they'd had a real breakthrough and Emily wanted to savor it. So, she went home to Declan and made dinner for the two of them, for once feeling a glimmer of hope she never thought she'd feel again.


	17. Chapter 17

Things between Hotch and Emily had been much more light hearted and much less awkward. The next week when Hotch had brought Jack home, Emily effortlessly invited Hotch to stay for dinner, as if it was normal. They'd all had a nice time; even Declan emerged from his room to spend time with the family. It was the first time all five of them had been together like this in a long time.

Hotch and Emily had talked effortlessly, even after dinner when Jack and Declan retreated back upstairs and Layla sat in the floor in the living room coloring, completely uninterested in conversing with her parents. Hotch had helped her clean up the kitchen, despite Emily's protests. He'd been there to tuck Layla in and to tell Jack goodnight. Shortly after that, Hotch decided to go home, but not before hugging Emily tightly and kissing her goodbye. She didn't pull away or try to stop it, only encouraged it.

Neither one of them said it, but it was in that moment Hotch knew things were getting better. They had to, they had been going so wrong for such a long time now, he felt they all deserved a bit of happiness and optimism among the dismal past.

That night, as Hotch sat in his apartment alone, he realized how much he'd lost in the past few months. He saw how easily he fell in love with Emily and Declan, and how much Emily loved Jack and Layla. He only hoped someday he could get it all back like it used to be. Tonight had gone so well, and thing were really looking up. He still wished he could remember everything, and he hoped that someday all the memories he lost would come back to him.

Before falling asleep, Hotch looked through some more photo albums Emily had given to him to look at, still hoping that one of the photos would spark even the tiniest memory. So far, they hadn't, but Hotch still enjoyed looking at them. He couldn't count the number of times he had flipped through each page and looked at each picture. He fell asleep after a few hours of looking at pictures, with one of the albums open, the rest sprawled out on his bed.

Emily sat on the couch later that night, recalling the events of the evening. She was so glad she had asked Hotch to stay, and even happier that everything had gone so smoothly. She hadn't been able to get Declan to eat with the family in forever, and tonight when she told him Hotch was staying, he seemed genuinely excited.

After Emily had explained the Beth situation to Declan, the teenager readily apologized. He was even planning on going to stay with Hotch sometime soon. It amazed Emily how much her simple suggestion had lightened everyone's moods. She wished now she had invited him weeks ago.

Emily was just about to fall asleep sitting up, when she heard a faint knock at the door. She startled, wondering if there really had been a knock or if she had imagined it. After a few minutes, she heard it again. Heart racing, she crept to the door, preparing herself for whoever might be on the other side of the door at this hour.

She sighed in relief when she looked outside and saw Hotch standing there. She quickly opened the door and ushered him inside.

"What the heck are you doing?" Emily couldn't help but laugh softly. He had the most ridiculous grin on his face.

"Emily, I have to tell you something." Hotch said seriously as he grabbed her arm lightly and led her to the couch and motioned for her to sit down.

"Do you have any idea what time it is? Or how ridiculous you look?" Emily laughed again.

"This couldn't wait, plus, I don't have a key." Hotch added with a chuckle.

"Well, okay then, what's so important?" Emily wondered.

"I remembered something," Hotch said excitedly. Emily felt tears prick at her eyes.

"What?" Emily pressed. She sat in awe while Hotch spoke about the dream he had just had.

_It was just after four o'clock in the morning on New Year's Day. Hotch and Emily had only been in bed for a couple of hours after staying up late to ring in the New Year. _

_Hotch awoke to the sound of Emily's voice. _

"_What is it?" He asked tiredly. _

"_Unless you want to perform a home childbirth I suggest you get up so we can go to the hospital!" Emily said with a laugh. "You are the most difficult person to wake up." She added as she carefully raised herself off the bed. _

"_You take our stuff out to the car, and I'll call JJ and tell her what's going on. I'll meet you at the car." Emily said calmly. _

"_Don't you need help getting down the stairs?" Hotch asked. _

"_I can handle it." Emily said with a wave of her hand as Hotch hurriedly took the bag they'd packed weeks ago and headed outside to the car. _

_Emily called JJ and told her friend she would be right over. Before leaving, Emily woke Declan up and explained that she and Hotch had to leave, but that JJ would be there in a few minutes. He fell back asleep before Emily left the room, and Emily had to laugh softly as she gently closed the door. _

_It took a lot of time and a lot of pain, but Emily managed to get down the stairs all by herself and meet Hotch in the car. _

"_You okay?" Hotch asked. Emily nodded unconvincingly. "You sure?" Hotch added._

_Emily took a breath and let it out slowly. "I don't know. I've never done this before." She reminded him. _

"_You're not freaking out nearly as much as I thought you would." Hotch replied. _

"_I'm scared," Emily admitted. She had been worried throughout most of her pregnancy, and the worry had only increased when her doctor had put her on bed rest early on. It was mostly for precaution, since Emily was over 35 and had never had a child of her own before. Nonetheless, it worried Emily. She was also being driven crazy; she hadn't been allowed to do much of anything in months. _

"_It's gonna be okay." Hotch promised her. _

_Emily just gave him a weak smile back and leaned back into the seat and closed her eyes, trying not to let herself worry too much. _

_Within minutes, Hotch had pulled into the parking lot of the hospital. He carefully helped Emily out of the front seat and led her into the emergency room. They were whisked into a room shortly, Hotch right by Emily's side the entire time. _

_He sat with her for hours, even when she yelled at him and told him he was being annoying. He let her squeeze his hand so tightly he was convinced she had broken all his fingers on one hand. _

_And then, what felt like an eternity but also felt like just a few minutes later, they heard the cries of their new baby girl. The baby was placed in Emily's arms after she was taken and cleaned up a bit. Once in her mother's arms, the baby calmed down immediately. Emily cried and kissed the baby's forehead gently. Even Hotch cried, how could he not?_

"_She's so beautiful," Emily breathed. _

"_Just like her mother." Hotch replied. Emily rolled her eyes._

"_Stop it," she laughed. "She needs a name." Emily said after a moment. "We never really picked one." _

"_What were the names on your list again?" Hotch asked. They had each picked names out weeks ago, since they knew the baby would be a girl, but they hadn't gotten around to deciding on a name officially._

"_Madison, Ivory, and Audrey." Emily answered. _

"_And I had Hannah, Katherine, and Layla." Hotch replied. _

"_You know, the more I think about it, the more I really like the name Layla," Emily said. "It's pretty and you don't hear it often." _

"_I like Ivory." Hotch decided. _

"_That was easier than I thought it'd be. I thought she'd be nameless for weeks." Emily laughed. _

"_So, Layla Ivory, or Ivory Layla?" Hotch asked. _

"_Layla Ivory sounds a lot better," Emily smiled and kissed the newborn baby once more. "What do you think little one? Does Layla Ivory Hotchner sound okay with you?" _

"_I think it's perfect," Hotch replied. _

"January 1, 2015, 5:21pm. I remember you waking me up and everything." Hotch finished.

By now, Emily was crying. "You remember her actual birthday," she smiled. "That's- that's amazing."

"I don't remember anything else, really. Not yet. But I remember how happy we were, and how beautiful you looked." Hotch told her.

She took his hand in hers. "I can't believe you remember."

"Me either." He admitted.

"What time is it?" Emily asked suddenly.

"Too early for you to wake up the household and tell them the news." Hotch joked, knowing exactly what she was thinking.

"How'd you know?" Emily wondered.

"I know you," Hotch shrugged.

Emily rose from the couch and pulled Hotch up by his hands. "If you think for one second I'm letting you go back to that apartment, you are insane." She told him as she quietly led him up the stairs and into their bedroom.

Within seconds of Emily closing the door and making sure it was locked, they were at each other, kissing each other madly, clothing items dropping to the floor.

"So, what do we do next?" Hotch asked a few hours later as they both lay under the covers together, holding each other close.

"What do you mean?" Emily asked sleepily.

"I mean, now that my memory is coming back." Hotch supplied.

"Well I sincerely hope you're planning on giving that apartment up and moving back in." Emily replied, her eyes closed and her voice slow and tired.

"Really?" Hotch asked, hoping it wasn't just her exhaustion and sleep deprivation talking.

At this, Emily opened her eyes and propped herself up with her elbow. "Of course, I've missed you so much. I know I probably wasn't acting much like it, but- I was afraid I'd never get you back." She admitted.

"I'm sorry I hurt you." Hotch replied.

"Don't," Emily whispered. "Don't be sorry, okay? Just don't you ever, ever, _ever _do this to me again." Emily warned playfully.

"I won't," Hotch promised.

"Good," Emily smiled and lay back down, closing her eyes and pressing her body so closely against Hotch's, she was practically on top of him. He brushed her hair away from her face, simply enjoying her company.

Just as Emily had fallen asleep, they heard Layla knocking at the door softly.

"Looks like we aren't getting any sleep until tonight," Emily groaned as they hurriedly jumped out of bed and put their clothes back on. Emily immediately lay back down as Hotch opened the door and let the toddler in the room.

She jumped up on the bed and greeted Emily with a very loud "Good morning Mommy!"

Emily couldn't be annoyed, even though all she wanted to do was sleep for weeks. Instead she pulled Layla close to her and kissed her forehead. Hotch got back into bed, and Layla curled up in between her parents.

Just as Emily thought Layla would fall back asleep for a little while, she heard her tiny voice.

"Can we have pancakes?" she asked innocently.

"I'll make them, you just stay here and get some rest." Hotch volunteered and he got out of bed and lifted Layla up.

"No, I think I've given up on sleep for today, besides, I'd like to see you make a batch of pancakes with a two-year-old helping you and not wreck my kitchen." Emily smirked, knowing all too well making the family's favorite breakfast food was never something done without a huge mess.

With that, the three of them headed downstairs to make pancakes on a Saturday morning. Emily couldn't wait for Declan and Jack to wake up so she could tell them the news about Hotch's memory. She knew Layla was too young to understand, but the little girl had never questioned why her father was back at home. Things were finally returning to some form of normalcy, and Emily and Hotch wordlessly expressed that to each other as they cooked together.

**A/N: Even though Hotch is getting his memory back, this story isn't quite over yet, but it will be ending in a few more chapters, just as a heads up. I hope you guys liked this chapter! : )**


	18. Chapter 18

**Sorry I didn't update last week, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, and thank you so much for getting this story to 100+ reviews! : ) I think the next one's going to be the last chapter for this story, but I've completely fallen in love with this universe, so I'm thinking about writing a bunch of one shots surrounding this universe and putting them in a story, but we'll see : ) **

The boys woke up to the smell of pancakes, and were downstairs with the rest of their family in no time. It was early, especially for Declan, for a Saturday, but pancakes were something no one in the Hotchner household passed on.

"Hey, Dad!" Jack said excitedly, assuming Hotch was back at his apartment. He ran up to his father and hugged him tightly.

"Hey, buddy." Hotch greeted warmly as he ruffled Jack's messy hair.

"What're you doing here?" Jack asked.

Emily couldn't stop herself from smiling as she looked over at Hotch.

"Do you wanna tell them?" Hotch asked.

Emily shook her head. "I think you should."

"Tell us what?" Declan asked as he got the orange juice out of the refrigerator and set it on the table.

"After I went home last night, I had a dream, but it was actually a memory." Hotch said. "I remembered the day your mom had Layla." He told them.

"Really? You remember?" Declan wondered excitedly.

"Not everything, I'm afraid. But this is a good start. Your mom and I are going to head to the doctor in a little while." Hotch explained. "And there's something else..." He said as he looked to Emily. "I'm gonna move back in." He informed them.

"Yay! Now I can see you all the time!" Jack cheered as he hugged his dad tightly again.

"No more tiny apartment!" Hotch shared Jack's enthusiasm.

"How do you feel about that, Dec?" Emily asked. His opinion was of the utmost importance to her, and she knew he wouldn't tell her unless she asked.

"I think that's awesome," Declan smiled. "We'll be a family again."

"Yeah, we will." Emily sighed happily as she thought of her and Hotch together again, the way they used to be.

"Mommy, can we eat pancakes now?" Layla asked impatiently.

Emily laughed. "Of course we can." She said as the family began to devour the pancakes Hotch and Emily made with a bit of help from Layla.

XxXxX

"You're doing really well, Mr. Hotchner." Doctor Benson said later that morning after Hotch and Emily went in after explaining Hotch was beginning to remember. They'd done extensive tests, just to make sure everything was functioning as it should be.

"I honestly wasn't sure if you would ever recover any memories," the doctor continued honestly. "But if you've recovered one, I can only assume the rest- or at least a good portion, will also be recovered."

"So everything's fine?" Emily wanted to confirm. "Physically, at least?"

"Nothing caused any red flags on any of the scans or blood work we did; I'd say that everything is in great condition." Doctor Benson said with a smile.

"Thank you, you've been so good to us these past few months." Emily said.

"He wasn't having people poke him with incessant needles, now was he?" Hotch joked with a wink to Emily. "But seriously, thank you for everything." He added.

"I'm just glad that this had such a good outcome." The doctor replied.

"I do have one last question, though." Emily said before they left the office. "He won't lose the memory he gained back, right? Like say in the morning will he suddenly not remember?" She asked softly.

"Honestly, I don't see that being a problem. I know it's a possibility, but like I said, everything seems to be fine." The doctor assured them. Emily's nerves were eased slightly, though she knew she wouldn't be completely at ease until tomorrow morning.

Hotch wasn't scheduled to come back in to the doctors unless if something changed for the worse in the coming weeks.

"I'm so glad to be done with that place." Hotch said on the way home.

"You're not scared of doctors, are you?" Emily asked as she pulled her sunglasses out of the console and put them on.

"You aren't?" Hotch argued back.

"I wouldn't say that I'm scared..." Emily said. "I just don't like them. Because when I'm there I'm sick or someone I love is sick." She reasoned.

"Good point, but really, how are you not scared of needles? They just stick 'em in your vein!" Hotch said.

Emily laughed. "Do you need me to kiss your arms later because of the mean scary doctor?" She teased him.

"Ha ha," Hotch laughed sarcastically.

XxXxX

"Oh my God," Emily said later that night after dinner as she dramatically fell backwards on the bed in hers and Hotch's room. "I am so tired." She said with a yawn. After they'd gotten home from the doctor, Jack and Layla were full of energy and wanted to go to the park. Even Declan came along. The family spent the whole day together, and even though Emily would have loved to have taken a nap while Layla was napping, she and Hotch had other things on their agenda, and sleeping certainly wasn't it.

"I am too." Hotch said. "I could sleep for a year." He added as he lay next to Emily on the bed and pulled her close to him.

"I don't want to sleep." Emily muttered as her eyes involuntarily closed themselves. "What if you don't remember after you wake up?"

"We asked the doctor about that, it shouldn't happen. But even if it does, I promise you I'm never leaving you again." He said softly.

"You promise?" Emily asked sleepily, practically talking in her sleep.

"I promise." He said again as he kissed her gently on the forehead.

XxXxX

Emily kept finding herself waking up at odd hours throughout the night, just checking up on Hotch, even though he was asleep every time. She envisioned him waking up the next morning and all the progress that had been made so quickly be ripped away from them just as quickly.

Finally, just as the sun was coming up, Emily gave up on sleeping any longer. She quietly got out of bed and checked on Layla, heading down the stairs to start some coffee before the rest of the household woke up.

She wasn't alone for long before she heard footsteps coming down the stairs. She looked up to see Hotch at the foot of the stairs.

"You're up early." He commented as he went over and sat next to her on the couch.

Without even thinking about it, Emily found herself leaning into him. "Yeah, I know. I figured I'd sleep in today but I guess not." She said as she sat up to sit her mug on the coffee table in front of them, and then sat back in the couch and leaned on her husband again.

"Were you worrying all night?" Hotch asked seriously.

"No," Emily lied.

"Emily," Hotch chastised, as if he were talking to Layla or Jack.

Emily sighed. "I did sleep some, I promise." She told him honestly.

"You don't have to worry about me, Em. I promised you I wouldn't leave you again, and I meant it." Hotch reminded her as he laced his fingers with hers.

"I know you did." Emily said. "It's not that I don't trust you, I do, I just- even though I was focusing so much on what I lost, I was worried about you. Even when you probably thought I hated you. I was worried about you being all alone at that apartment. I know you're more than capable of taking care of yourself… but when you were in that coma… I've never seen you like that before and it scared me." Emily admitted.

"I'm sorry, I know you keep telling me not to be but I am." Hotch told her.

"If you say it one more time I'm gonna punch you." Emily joked with a smile as she raised her eyes to meet Hotch's.

"Violence is not the answer." Hotch joked back.

"Oh really?" Emily asked as she lifted the pillow up that was sitting next to her at the end of the couch and lightly smacked Hotch on the head with it.

"How old are you, 12?" Hotch asked as he snatched the pillow from her hands, feigning hurt, then smacking Emily back with it.

"You're a big jerk, you know that?" Emily laughed as she rose from the couch to take her coffee mug to the sink, lightly hitting Hotch on the shoulder as she walked by.

The playful banter continued for several more minutes as Hotch followed her into the kitchen, but they were interrupted by the sounds of multiple footsteps bounding down the stairs.

"Since you're so mean to me and consider me an adolescent, you can make breakfast this morning." Emily said with a smile as she went to greet her children.

Hotch just smiled to himself, not minding the task that Emily had bestowed upon him.

The Hotchner family spent the rest of their Sunday at home, lazing around the house and enjoying each other's company.

XxXxXx

"I so don't want to go back to work tomorrow." Emily said that night as she lay on the still made bed, still in her clothes from the day.

"Don't, call in sick." Hotch said as he lay next to her.

Emily laughed. "I wish I could. The boys started school last week, so I have to go back." Emily reminded him.

"I know, I know." Hotch replied.

"What about you?" Emily asked as she propped up on her elbow. "Have you thought about when you're gonna go back?" She wondered.

"Actually, I have." Hotch replied.

"Oh," Emily said, trying not to sound too dejected.

"I'm not going back." Hotch told her.

"You're- you're not?" Emily questioned. Had she heard that right?

"I'm going to retire from the field. I'll still teach some lectures and consult on cases in the future like I've been doing, but I won't go on cases out of town anymore. I'll be here more." Hotch smiled.

Emily smiled back, not responding verbally, only kissing him passionately. "You're serious?" Emily said once they pulled away.

"Of course I am. I don't want to miss out on anything else concerning this family if I can help it. I think Morgan can probably handle the team without me." Hotch winked.

"Oh, Aaron." Emily breathed as she hugged him tightly. She was so happy, and it was such a warm welcome to the feelings she'd been carrying around for the past few months.


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N oh my lordy you guys I am so sorry this final chapter took me so long to get up! I just got busy with school and kept forgetting, and then I had the worst case of writer's block. Thank you all so much for sticking with me through this story, I really loved writing it and I hope you guys enjoyed reading it! All of your feedback has meant so much to me. Thanks again! : )**

It had been just over a month since Emily had gone back to work and Hotch had retired from the field. It was Jack's 11th birthday party today, and in just a matter of hours, the house would be filled with people. The whole team was coming, along with some friends Jack invited from school.

Emily had decorated the backyard where the party would take place. She was so glad the team hadn't caught a case that weekend, she missed them all so much and she knew Jack would love to see them. She was also glad the weather had decided to play in their favor; it was a perfect fall afternoon.

"Do you think everything looks okay?" Emily asked Hotch as she took another look at her handiwork. Streamers lined the fence around the yard, balloons were tied to the ends of the tables, and a huge banner reading "Happy birthday, Jack!" hung over the sliding door.

"It looks great, Em. Jack will love it." Hotch assured her, placing a hand on Emily's shoulder.

"I hope so. What time is it?" Emily asked.

"People should start showing up any minute." Hotch informed her.

Emily nodded and headed inside to make sure Jack was ready. She found him sitting on the couch with Declan and Layla, all three of them dressed and ready for the party.

"I was just coming to make sure you guys were ready. It's almost time for people to get here." Emily said with a smile.

"Can I go look at the backyard now?" Jack asked. Emily had tried to keep her decorations a surprise for him.

"Sure," Emily agreed. "Your dad is already out there." She said.

Jack asked Declan to go with him, and the two boys ran off to the backyard to see what Emily had done with the decorations.

Before long, Jack's friends started showing up at the house. Emily greeted them and showed them out to where the party was taking place. Layla stayed close to Emily, until the team started showing up.

JJ was the first to arrive, with Henry and Will by her side.

"JJ!" Emily greeted excitedly, attacking the woman with a hug. Layla left Emily's side to see the blonde, she was the one Layla got to see the most.

Several minutes later, everyone had finally arrived. Emily, JJ, and Layla finally joined everyone outside. Emily was balancing the cake she'd kept in the refrigerator in one hand, and a present for Jack in the other. All while trying not to trip over Layla who couldn't decide which adult she wanted to walk next to.

"Let me help." Hotch said as he quickly approached Emily and took the cake from her hands, just before she dropped it.

"Thanks," Emily smiled. "Where's Jack?" she asked.

"Tree house," Hotch pointed to the house that sat in the lone oak tree in the yard. Hotch had built it and finished it just in time for the party, and Jack was showing it off to all his friends. Emily nodded and set the present down on the table with all the others and finally joined the party.

XxXxXx

Two hours later, the cake had been eaten, and Jack was opening the last of his presents. He'd already gotten quite the pile of things from his friends, and the team took every chance they got to buy presents for any of the children. However, Emily made sure to save the present from her and Hotch until very last.

Emily picked the small gift bag up and sat it in Jack's lap, excited to see his reaction to the gift. She and Hotch had been planning it for a few weeks now, and they couldn't wait to tell not only Jack, but Declan and Layla as well.

Jack reached into the bag and pulled out all the tissue paper, and finally a small envelope. Confused, the boy opened the envelope and read what was inside.

"What is it?" One of Jack's friends asked him.

"Are we really going to Disney world?!" Jack asked excitedly.

"Yes!" Hotch and Emily confirmed.

"We figured we could all go when you and Declan are on fall break in a couple of weeks." Emily said.

"Awesome! Thank you!" Jack said as he jumped up to hug both his parents tightly. Emily was so glad Jack was excited about going, and even more excited at the prospect of spending time with the whole family together. They hadn't all been on a vacation since Layla was born, and now that Hotch was retired, vacations were something they could finally consider.

After the presents had been opened, Emily began cleaning up all the wrapping paper that littered the ground. Jack's friend's parents began picking up their respective children. Emily, Hotch, and Layla stayed outside for a while longer. Jack and Declan went back into the house to play a new video game Jack had gotten that day. Before Emily knew it, it was dark outside.

"I guess we should go in and get you ready for bed, huh?" Emily said to the little girl who was falling asleep in her lap.

"I'm not tired." Layla protested.

"Well, I am." Emily said as she stood from the chair she had been sitting in while talking to Hotch. She picked Layla up with her and headed inside, Hotch following them.

When Emily returned downstairs to the living room after getting Layla ready for bed and tucked in, she laughed at the sight she saw on the couch. Declan, Jack, and Hotch were all sitting on the couch, absolutely enthralled with whatever game they were playing. It sounded violent, and Emily wondered if she should let Jack be playing it. However, they were all having so much fun; Emily couldn't say anything about it.

Instead, she went over to the couch and sat on the arm, next to Hotch.

"Who's winning?" Emily asked.

"I am!" Jack said proudly. "Dad is terrible at this game." He added.

Emily laughed. "Oh is he?"

"I'm not terrible… I'm just not very good." Hotch defended himself. Emily continued to laugh.

"Okay, if you think you're so good, after Jack and Declan are done, how about you and I play a game?" Hotch challenged.

"Yeah!" Jack agreed. "I'd like to see Mom play video games."

"For your information," Emily said. "I'm not too bad at things like this." She watched as Hotch raised an eyebrow.

"What? Morgan taught me. He has all kinds of stuff like this at his house." Emily shrugged.

A few minutes later, Hotch and Emily each had a controller. Emily wasn't exactly sure what the point of the game was, but she figured out how to gain points and get in the lead, so she just went with it.

In the end, Emily only beat Hotch by just a few points, but she decided to take it for what it was worth and boast about it.

"In your face!" Emily said happily as she gently hit Hotch with a pillow on the head.

"It was by like ten points." Hotch said.

"A win is a win." Emily smirked.

"Yeah, yeah." Hotch said as he rose from the couch and headed up the stairs.

"Don't stay up too late playing that, guys." Emily said. "Good night." She smiled as she followed Hotch up the stairs and into their room.

"Did I bruise your ego too badly?" Emily asked him after they'd gotten into pajamas and got into bed, exhausted from the day's events.

Hotch chuckled softly. "Nah, I let you win anyway." He said.

Emily propped herself up on her elbow. "You did not!"

"I did." He insisted.

"Whatever. We're gonna have a rematch tomorrow." Emily said.

Hotch just laughed and pulled Emily into him, feeling her relax into his embrace.

Emily closed her eyes, unable to stop herself from remember a time not so long ago when she wondered if days like today would ever be possible again. She was truly happy in the moment, and she knew that no matter what, she was never, ever going to take this man for granted again.

After a few more minutes of quiet, Emily spoke.

"Thank you." She said simply, pressing a soft kiss to his lips.

"For what?" Hotch asked after the broke apart.

"For everything. For being there for me, for loving me, and for giving me what I had practically given up on." She said.

Hotch smiled. "I know you hate it when I apologize, but I really am sorry for everything. I'm so glad we've been given this second chance, and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life proving it to you." He replied.

No more words were needed; everything else was said through their body language. It was said in the way they kissed each other, the way they held and caressed each other. They each knew in those hours spent together in bed that they would have each other forever, no matter what life threw at them.


End file.
